Intrigue: to arouse the curiosity or interest of another by unusual, new, or otherwise fascinating and compelling qualities.
In an increasingly technological world, people are sharing more now than ever. In fact, entire businesses exist for the sole purpose of buying and selling the things you share; what you ate for breakfast, where you buy your pajamas, who your friends are and where you work. Systems are being created and algorithms designed in order to know you better than you may know yourself. With all the information you could ever need right at your fingertips, the fabulous art of intrigue has begun to die out.
With applications designed to take all the information you can give and match you with someone that inanimate object thinks you may be compatible with, no one feels the need to hold back in their relationships. Ever go on a first date and learn way more than you wanted to know about the other person in mere minutes? How did it make you feel?
These days, people seem to mistake the ability to share with the need to share. And when starting a new relationship or attempting to, sharing too much too soon, can have catastrophic consequences. Some things are better left unsaid, and that is where the art of intrigue comes in. If you would rather captivate and pique the curiosity of your crush than overwhelm them with it all at once, then this list is just for you.
Here are 10 ways you can incorporate the Art of Intrigue into your next relationship:
Step 1: Choose your type
Whether you already have a crush in mind, an acquaintance you want to get to know better, or you're looking for someone to share some time with, there are a few things you need to consider.
In order to have a successful relationship with someone you first have to determine what personality traits you are looking for; from emotional openness, kindness, integrity, goal driven, honesty, financially stable, maturity, responsibility, healthy self-esteem, committed or agreeable. Next, you must determine what you want most in your relationship; from good communication, passion, sexual chemistry, ability to be adventurous or stability.
Once you have made a list of what you want most, pick three for personality and three for relationship. Those will act as your guideline. The rest of your list, those traits and attributes you also thought were important, you must be able to provide for yourself for if you look for too much, you will never get enough.
“Relationships never provide you with everything. They provide you with some things. You take all you want from a person - sexual chemistry, let's say, or good conversation, or financial support, or intellectual compatibility, or niceness, or loyalty - and you get to pick three of them.” ― Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life
Once you have your traits figured out, go ahead and begin your search. Once you find someone who fits three of your top most desired characteristics, the art of intrigue can commence.
Step 2: Interest without Desire
The key to intriguing someone is to leave them wanting more. In order to do so you must, I repeat you MUST, repress any desire to make them yours. You cannot allow your crush to assume or get the impression that you want or need him or her in your life right off the bat. If you do, you risk them taking you for granted and you cannot be the type of person who is willing to wait around for someone who only wants to play around. It is not admirable, only foolhardy. Instead, express slight interest with a glance here or a smile there. If your crush is receptive and interested they will approach you first.
Step 3: Skinship? What's that?
So you and your crush are on speaking terms. That's fantastic, wonderful, superb. But you can't just jump right in. The desire to get all minor and major milestones out of the way immediately will be overwhelming at times but you must remember to take it slow. You will have plenty of time to have "skinship" in your relationship but initially, when talking to your crush, no matter the setting avoid any physical contact. Some girls and guys might be inclined to be playful with someone they're interested in. Whether it is a hand on the arm or playful shove, brush off the "skinship" urge. It will only give you away and you will risk coming on too strong or making the other person uncomfortable. By keeping "skinship" at a minimum, you can increase the amount of desire felt between you two into something palpable and malleable.
Step 4: Value in restriction
As an individual, you must restrict yourself in more ways than just your tough. By restricting your available time, you make it more valuable. Your crush won't be able to help wondering about you when you're not around, they will text you to meet up. Instead of dumping all your plans at the earliest convenience, come up with a later alternative date and time. Remember, your time is valuable. Treat it as such.
Step 5: Priorities
A date figured out, try to arrange other plans before and after the selected date and time. While together, go and have fun. Do something thoroughly exciting, something you have always thought of doing but never got around to. But don't get too attached because when the time of your other plans draw close you must leave. No matter how much fun you are having, you cannot stay. You are Cinderella, and the clock has just struck twelve. Say an amicable goodbye and be vague about when you'll see them again. The feeling you leave them with, called sentiment, stems from the feeling they have towards you the last time they see you. Leave them with a compelling sentiment, like a cliffhanger at the end of a season of GoT.
Step 6: Tootsie Pop
As you spend more and more time together with your crush, you will learn a lot about one another. You may be tempted to share every detail of your life when you see them, but you must resist. Keep the best parts of you, the most interesting things about you, hidden within the center of a tootsie pop. When they ask you a question, answer it honestly but withhold a few things, until a later time when you can show them instead of telling them. Try to make the conversation flow both ways, learn about them and incorporate little things into every other meeting. For example, do they like to explore? Have an inclination towards graffiti? Take them to Graffiti Pier sometime. Show them you listen and are interested in what they like to do.
Step 7: Do your own thing
In order to thoroughly captivate your crush's curiosity, you have know what you want in yourself and be comfortable doing your own thing. Indulge in creative, sporty, and educational activities for the heck of it. Take a chance to explore your own interests and learn a new skill. The most intriguing thing is a complete person who can be them selfand with just them-self. You crush will be unable to figure you out if you are constantly growing as a person. You will have them wondering what you do in your spare time so make sure you do something worth your while.
Step 8: Be cliche
The art of intrigue is based on the ability to appeal strongly to others. The origin of 'intrigue' stems from 'intricate,' and in some ways you might say they are intri-connected (bad pun, I'm sorry). Every person in the world is an individual completely unlike any other. We all have unique stories that drive us, and intricate thought processes. We can all be intriguing in our own way so it's recommended you be a cliche and be yourself. If you are happy with who you are, chances are your crush will be too.
Step 9: Possibilities, keep them open
Throughout it all, it is important you stay open to the possibilities; maybe they won't like you the way you like them, maybe it won't work the first time, maybe they're not right for you. Determine ahead of time to continue doing what you love with or without them. The art of intrigue is not a power play, being mysterious, using tricks or manipulation. The art of intrigue is dependent on how well you know yourself, what you find most valuable, and revealing each intricate layer that makes up YOU, with care. Whatever you seek to find in your significant other can be found elsewhere so take your time and keep your eyes open. Explore your options, keep your eyes open, and while a change of pace keeps things interesting, take your time before getting attached. Your crush is an intricate individual as well and emotions can be finicky things.
Step 10: Continue the chase
By thinking of intrigue as a cliffhanger, your compelling qualities as foreshadowing, and your relationship as a never-ending story, you can continue the chase the art of intrigue will bring. By revealing who you are and what makes you tick slowly, like sand in an hourglass, you can better understand yourself and those around you. Who is intent on waiting till the end of the series instead of skipping to the end, who shares the same values as you, and who appreciates a challenge will be revealed and you can progress as you see fit. But keep in mind, no one appreciates spoilers.