Most of us have a day in the history of our lives on which a significant event occurred and after which we were not the same. If this event caused us pain or trauma we find ourselves flooded with emotion when that date comes around each year.

For me, October 11, the date of my rape that occurred two years ago, serves as a reminder, yes, of the horrific event I experienced but it also reminds me of how far I’ve come. Here’s how I deal with the anniversary of the worst day of my life every year.

My emotional distress around this time each year begins about two weeks before the actual day of October 11. As the month of September comes to an end, I always have a difficult day on the thirtieth as it represents the beginning of October which means my anniversary is not far away anymore. Luckily, during this time of year, I have plenty of things to distract me since I am in school and it is about half-way through the semester.

I immerse myself in school and work and do my best to push the thoughts surrounding the anniversary from my mind. For the most part, until the week of October 11, I can manage my emotional distress by not focusing on it as much as possible. When that week finally comes and I am forced to, once again, face my trauma head on, I have found that my emotional distress is way too much to deal with on my own.

This is where my support network comes in handy. If it isn’t already obvious, I don’t have any problem talking about this event or my associated emotions and prior to this time every year I give my friends and family a little reminder. I like to make them aware that the date is approaching, how I am feeling and what I need from them and each year I am blown away by the love and support that is poured over me around this time.

My friends ensure that I am rarely alone which is so important because it keeps me from descending into the deep abyss that is my thoughts. Spending time with friends keeps me from thinking about and reliving that time repeatedly in my mind and not being allowed to wallow in the past allows me to keep my emotional misery to a minimum and continue to go about my daily life.

When that fateful day finally arrives and I open my eyes in the morning I am immediately not myself. It is difficult for me to get out of bed and once I do, it’s doubly as difficult for me to function in daily life. For me, this is the worst day of my life but for everyone else it is just a normal day and I want to scream at everyone around me, “Don’t you know what a horrible day this is?”

Last year on the anniversary, a friend of mine took me out to a surprise lunch and it meant the world to me. Just this small gesture allowed me to escape the dark cloud I had been under all day.

Even if it was just for an hour, the reminder that I am loved was one that helped me make it through the rest of the day. Knowing that someone, even if it was just one person, acknowledged that this day is and always will be the worst day of my life gave me validation in the emotions that I was feeling. There is a certain amount of self-degradation that I experience on this date every year. I revert back to the thoughts of self-blame and the “if only’s” take a suffocating grasp on my mind.

This occurs in addition to the pre-existing guilt I feel for not being “over it” yet and the combination can be absolutely maleficent. The validation in the love I receive from my friends and family is what silences these damaging thoughts and keeps me grounded in my healing.

We all have a day that stands as the worst day in our lives but how we choose to deal with it is a reflection of our strength and character. A day is just a day and I choose not to give any more power to my trauma by allowing its anniversary to tear me down. With that being said, do not ridicule yourself for the emotions you feel.

You are in every way, shape and form entitled to feel whatever emotions you feel and do not let anyone convince you otherwise. I have spent too long rebuilding myself and healing in these two years to allow a simple date to destroy me again. If you are dealing this on the anniversary of a difficult day, here’s my advice: find solace in those that love you, occupy your mind, fill your schedule and remind yourself of how far you’ve come every chance you get. You are the one who determines how much power this day has-- choose to be stronger.