From the bottom of my heart, here's to the single girl.
Although the relationship(s) are over and done with, it doesn't mean love ceases to exist. Yes, the feelings, the memories, the needs and wants are all real, and they are all there. But for now, it is time for you to try your hardest to move on, let go and let the past be the past.
As my dear friend Ellie once said, " being single helps with personal growth because you are taking care of yourself." It is OK to be single. It is OK to learn to love and be happy with yourself. It is, in fact, acceptable and fine to explore the world by yourself for a while if that is what is best for you. Don't let anyone tell you that you either have to be single to work on yourself, or be in relationship to, in a sense, rebound and get over your past lover. You are the one who should be deciding what to do with your life and how to live it to its fullest.
It's also time for you to realize what you have indeed gained from your past relationship. As I stated, the memories, they are still there forever and ever. Even though the relationship is over, memories, well, they don't just jump out of your mind.
It is quite clear that any relationship, short or long term, makes a sufficient impact on you. You have experienced new things and have had someone be there by your side through the thick moments and thin times. You have learned what to seek in any of your future relationships, and what to beware of. So, basically, you have either touched the surface and have an idea of what a relationship is, or you are quite familiar with the ropes and know when you see either a red or a green flag.
Well, the question you may have pondering in your mind is, what is negative about my past experience(s)? When do I stop, take a moment to myself and come to my senses about what to be aware of not to get myself into with my next relationship? What is positive enough that I should strive for within the foreseeable future? In my opinion, here are what the red and green flags are.
Red:
1. A relationship that hasn't be truthful to yourself or the other person.
2. A relationship where cheating has in fact occurred.
3. A relationship where the bad times sadly outweigh the good ones.
4. A relationship where you aren't quite comfortable being yourself around your partner.
5. Any sort of abusive aspect both physical and mental.
6. A relationship where one partner thinks they are completely dominant over the other, and therefore manipulation occurs.
7. A relationship where one acts in a condescending manner.
8. A relationship where too much fighting occurs.
9. A relationship without any space given to either partner.
10. And, lastly, a relationship where you know deep down that it just isn't reaching the level of happiness, respect and love that you deserve.
Green:
Before I state the green, just know that a relationship doesn't and shouldn't have to be perfect 100 percent of the time. There are harder times within a relationship that do in fact help the two grow stronger.
1. A relationship where you are proud to be with one another.
2. A relationship where the good times indeed outweigh the bad times.
3. A relationship where you are utterly honest with one another on a daily basis.
4. A relationship where cheating does not occur.
5. A relationship where enough space is given to other individuals.
6. A relationship with genuine and authentic feelings of love.
7. A relationship where you and your partner lift each other up instead of bringing each other down.
8. A relationship where mental and physical abuse does not occur.
9. A relationship where a smile arises out of your face most times you are around the other person.
10. A relationship where you may encounter differences, but can work on either agreeing to disagree or completely move on from the circumstance once and for all to be ultimately happy.
11. And, of course, a relationship that feels whatever your definition of "right" may be deep down in your heart.
So, overall to my single ladies out there, I am going to leave you with a quote in regard to the current situation you are in. As famous music artist Wiz Khalifa once stated, "Being single doesn’t necessarily mean you’re available. Sometimes you have to put up a sign that says, 'Do Not Disturb' on your heart."
It's time ladies, to take the few moments, days, weeks, months or maybe even years to get you to realize what you are indeed searching for. The aftermath may not be a piece of cake, but it is one step closer to finding what you truly desire.
- Ally
