Procrastination, as defined by www.merriam-webster.com, means "to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done." In other words, every person who has ever been to work, school, or simply been told to do something they didn’t really feel like doing, has procrastinated. Though not nearly respected enough, procrastination is an art, and like all arts it takes years to perfect. This little guide will help you on your way to fully understanding this incredibly dark and entirely unproductive phenomenon.

1. The Assignment: This is the stage in which you first receive your assignment and deadline. Regardless of how many days you have between the start of this stage and the deadline, you tell yourself that you have time to do it later, preferably tomorrow. This is also known as, The Beginning of the End.
2. The Fake Game Plan: In this stage, you start planning in your head how you are going to approach the problem at hand. Breaking it into steps you are never actually going to take is very common. For some people this stage also includes making up ridiculous scenarios in which their amazing work (which they haven’t actually started yet) will save the day or receive the highest praise from superiors.
3. The Countdown: Here is when you begin to count to see exactly how much time you have left to do what you should have already started, but didn’t. This leads to you rationalizing how much longer you can go without starting before it’s actually time to turn in this assignment.
4. The Duck Tape: I call this stage “The Duck Tape” because this is where you get horribly stuck. Here you are, finally putting some real effort in, desperately trying to begin (or get farther than the single sentence you have written down) but can’t seem to come up with anything good. Somehow everything you write or do at this point comes out as trash.
5. The Squirrel: This stage is every distraction and “SQUIRREL!” moment that occurs and takes you away from the job at hand. Although this stage appears here as number five on the list, it really goes anywhere and everywhere. Watching Netflix, playing Cards Against Humanity, or deciding that now would be a good time to learn how to properly contour on YouTube all count as “The Squirrel”.
6. The Second Countdown: Countdown number two often comes very late (like 4 a.m. Team-No-Sleep-late) when you realize that time is running out at a faster pace than you are working. Unlike the first, is not paired with rationalizing anything. Here is where the panic begins. Stress levels go up and blood pressure levels most likely rise too. Sometimes swearing is involved.
7. The Waterworks: The stage that requires tissues usually kicks in around two hours to 30 minutes from the deadline when you realize that you still have over half the project to finish. It can start as a burning sensation behind the eyes accompanied by sniffles which may escalate to sobs and full out ugly crying.
8. The Hat Trick: Here is where you become a level 12 warlock and work some sort of unexplained sorcery. You suddenly start producing amazing (Okay maybe not amazing but it's satisfactory) work at breakneck speed. Maniacal laughing may be present but you can blame that on a lack of sleep. This is the stage where you find your inner Dom Toretto to race and somehow beat the deadline with your dignity intact.
9. The Promise: This is the final stage of the procrastination process. Here is where you swear on you dead pet goldfish, Centurion Lord Goldie Tailicus, you will never ever EVER procrastinate again. Of course you know full well you are lying. But that won’t stop you from making the oath.