If you're anything like me, conspiracy theories have probably consumed your life at least once (or every day if we're being real). Exploring the unknown is a very healthy thing because it encourages divergent thinking. It's great that conspiracy theories allow us to think in entirely different ways! However, in most cases, they completely ruin our lives. Here are the nine stages I've experienced of discovering new conspiracy theories:
1. You start out completely skeptical:
This can't be real, right? There is no way the center of the Earth is hollow and advanced lifeforms are living inside of it (cue Admiral Byrd and the Hollow Earth Theory). But then...
2: You get a little more curious and start taking notes (while maintaining your respectable skepticism, of course):
"I'm not saying I believe any of this. I'm just curious," you tell yourself. On the inside you know you're about to fall down the darkest rabbit hole (cue the RABBITS podcast).
3. Pretty soon you start losing sleep over it:
What if everything I know is a lie? Is the Illuminati watching my every move right now? Where can I find every episode of Ancient Aliens?
4. Then, you enter the stage of trying to juggle these conspiracy theories and what you know as reality:
It's basically impossible.
5. But by this point, you've basically lost all control:
Your friends are probably asking where you've been for the past week. You've forgotten what the Sun looks like. You're wondering if you'll ever feel content with life again (pro tip: you probably won't).
6. You really can't stop yourself:
How dare you associate me with those people who believe what the government says.
7. You try to tell your friends about it to share the burden, but they are not on the same wavelength:
They are convinced you are absolutely c-r-a-z-y. You want them to fall into the abyss with you, but they choose sanity instead.
8. You try to salvage any peace of mind you might have left:
Maybe if you just stop caring, you will be able to sleep at night again. Maybe there is still hope of returning to normalcy (pro tip: there isn't).
9. Eventually, you accept your fate:
Life will never be the same again. You have sold your soul. You are officially bound to the never-ending cycle of having eighty-five tabs open on your computer at once. What is sanity? What is reality?
Conspiracy theories are extremely interesting, but they are insanely addictive. I am just one of the many victims of the void. Proceed with caution, and don't say I didn't warn you.
What are your favorite conspiracy theories?
