We've made it to that dreadful time of year of sweat, tears and blood once again. That brick wall we all run smack into before we're allowed to enjoy the sweet relaxation of break and indulgent holiday season. So as we all go down together into that black hole of mental breakdowns, here are the stages of finals week we all suffer through together.
1. Procrastination
You put off even the thought of 30% of your final grade relying on one assessment for as long as humanly possible.
2. Seeking the Alternatives
Rather than studying, you spend your hours searching for all the possibilities that would allow for you to not have to study. You calculate the lowest possible grade you can get on each final to still pass the class. Unfortunately you probably have to study to pass the class.
3. Motivation
This fleeting stage of finals week is that moment you decide you're going to kill finals week. You're going to know the ins and outs of this material like Dwight K Shrute knows beets.
4. Panic
Shortly following the motivation, panic sets in when you realize the overwhelming amount of crap you don't know. You call your mom, your sister, your grandma, your friends cousins' boyfriend looking for any sort of comfort you can find as you realize your impending doom.
5. Seeking the Alternatives Part 2
This time you start to come up with alternative career paths that don't require a college degree. Is a lifetime as a Khol's sales associate really that horrible?
6. Actual Studying
Yes, a life time as a Khol's sale associate is not the lifestyle for you. You grit your teeth and get to learning the material you missed when you were online shopping instead of taking notes in your chemistry lecture.
7. Crying
It's the night before your final and your future has never seemed so uncertain. You've spent the past sixteen hours of your life trying to understand quantum mechanics and the question slowly changes from why do electrons have a negative charge to how did I even get accepted to college.
8. Numbness
The just screw it phase comes in right around test time, when you just don't have the energy to even care what happens.
9. Relief
You could've gotten an A+ or a Z- but the only thing on your mind when you walk out of that testing room is how you haven't felt this relieved since you woke up from that ridiculous dream where everyone you know sees you in your underwear. Its over. The war has ended. You're that couple kissing in the middle of Times Square in 1945.
