From what I've gathered over the last few years, a lot of people have a lot of bad shit hanging around too long. Whether it's a romantic partner, a friend, a family member, or your favorite sweater, it has probably been clinging to you in some unhealthy way. Slowly, you'll (hopefully) learn how to let go of people and things to create a better existing environment for yourself, and that is OKAY. Here are the stages of cutting ties with the bad to make room for the good.
1. The confusion
While I am constantly reevaluating my life and what's going on, I often feel initial confusion if I can't exactly pinpoint the problem. It takes a lot to step back from your life and try to find where things have changed. Maybe it's one thing or person. Maybe it was a simple moment in time. Who knows?
2. The long search
This has the potential to be the longest stage of this whole process. This is when your attention will be extra sharp as you search for what is putting such a strain on you. Sometimes the realization is immediate. Other times, it takes a grueling search. Be careful; it is very easy to force criticisms onto everything that is functioning relatively smoothly. This is human. Don't be ashamed of being aware, but proceed with compassion and caution.
3. The "a-ha!"
Oh, shit. That's what has been affecting me. Let's take a fun field trip and trace back to the root of this problem (cue the routine and inevitable crisis that will ensue somewhere around here). This is the beginning of the part that probably isn't a fan favorite. Eventually, you have to decide what to do with all of these enlightened realizations you've come across.
4. The back-and-forth
This is probably the most upsetting part of this whole transition period (for me, at least; yours might be different). Now you've come face to face with the problem, but it's unlikely that easy solutions will present themselves. If you're like me, you'll enter into a long back-and-forth with yourself about how to most effectively handle the situation. You'll have to consider every emotion associated with this particular issue, and it will be exhausting.
5. Then, the defenders
*Warning: this might be the most difficult part*
Pretty soon you will put your dukes up against yourself. This will begin the defense. Nostalgia will play a big role in persuading you to keep this toxic thing. How do you separate the good and bad to get to the right answer? (But really, can someone tell me?) You'll be pulled from all sides, telling you to make it work, reminiscing on the beautiful parts this thing did allow. Try to keep a clear mind the best you can (I cannot believe I'm advising other people to do what I struggle with LOL).
6. The verdict
Eventually, you'll make some sort of decision (probably, I think). Whether you decide to be patient or to cut ties, it will be important to back yourself up. There will be another wave of back-and-forth, tempting you to reconsider. However, it's important that you realize this: people are meant to come and go to teach you important lessons in life. Not all of them will stay, and that is okay. You will have to let some of them go, but you will feel... lighter.
(Shoutout to my girl Lorde, who dropped her new album, Melodrama, recently. It's beautiful. Listen to it and cry about things.)
