I've written a few pieces pertaining to my habitual lateness to anything and everything, but I've decided that 2017 is going to be the year where I stop being such a disgrace and learn to read a clock, and I feel that doing an article on it could be helpful.

After hours of personal reflection and analysis, I have come to the conclusion that the root of my problem is the 20 Minute Disease. (I've touched on this before, but it's a real thing guys and it's RUINING MY LIFE.) Logically, I know it's absolutely not true that most of the activities and tasks I attempt to complete in 20 minutes are impossible to complete in 20 minutes--but that doesn't stop me from trying. Seriously. I won't grossly exaggerate my own intelligence, but I do know that I'm not stupid. And you'd think that a girl who is somewhat smart and has at least a basic level of common sense would know that a person cannot shower, eat breakfast, send an email and then make it to a class that's a 15 minute walk away in 20 minutes. Yet I attempt to bend space and time multiple mornings per week to do this exact thing.

WHY? WHY AM I LIKE THIS?

(I have no answer here, this is purely rhetorical--but if you know, feel free to tell me.)

I've tried setting clocks ahead so I do things earlier, but that doesn't work if I know exactly how many minutes ahead the clocks are set. Sometimes that makes it even worse because I'll do things according to the extra time I think I have and I'll overestimate how much time I have and it'll be even worse.

So this is my public declaration of change. I, Alex White, am going to hold myself accountable for the disgustingly late timetable on which I precariously balance my entire life. I will no longer be the girl who slides into the only available seat 18 minutes after the lecture has started, making myself known to the professor who shouldn't be able to recognize anyone because of our 150+ person lecture hall. I will graciously accept that I don't have time to put on mascara some days instead of rushing it and then having to run all the way to my job in order to clock in as close to 'on time' as possible. If I know that my class starts in a half hour, I will simply put on a hat and spray myself with perfume (or Febreze, whatever I have handy) instead of attempting to get through the shower.

And for those of who who struggle with the 20 Minute Disease, know that I stand with you and support you in your efforts to be functional human beings--but also know that the time is now to 'get it together,' not later. Because the real world won't stop and hold the train that you're waiting to catch or extend the deadline for a paper you haven't written yet and we need to catch up.