What the hey?! The power went out! How are you supposed to do your homework/watch Netflix now?
Oh well. Now you have to figure out something to do. Who knows how long it might take for the power to come back on. Here’s the list of activities you’ll do to pass the time.
1. Read A Book
Time to catch up on some reading. You've been meaning to start War And Peace for years now, so why not now? It's supposed to be a classic. You were supposed to read it for class last semester anyway.
But it's dark. You can't see the words. Because there's no power.
2. Play Solitaire
What did people do for fun back in the day? Thinking back on the western movies your dad made you watch, they liked to play cards a lot. You grab a deck, shuffle, and deal them out to yourself.
But you can't see the numbers. Because it's dark. Because there's no power.
By the ghost of David Bowie, this sucks. What the hell happened to the power?
3. Find Out What Happened To The Power
You flip open your laptop--which is almost out of battery, which can't be recharged-- to check online. Maybe there's an email or a Facebook post on what happened to the power.
But you don't have internet. Because the router's down. Because there's no power.
4. Backup Generator?
This is getting ridiculous. No, it's already ridiculous, and it started ridiculous, because you're supposed to have a backup generator. Right? Isn't that a thing people have? You remember your dad working during power outages, surely you have a backup generator in one of these desk drawers.
No, you don't. Because you were doing homework/ watching Netflix. Because you had power.
5. Fantasize About a Backup Generator
Actually, you are able to successfully do this. Except instead of "fantasize", it's closer to bitterly ruing the laziness of your past self. If only you had a bit more foresight, you would have set up a backup source of power. Now you're stuck without internet, glowing books or cards, or anything to do. Hell, you might as well get some exercise and really complete this time-warp.
Wait, exercise!
6. Attempt To Make a Generator
"Hooray for bicycle machines! I'll make a bicycle generator!"
This is what you say, at first. Then, thirty minutes of fruitless duct-taping and slapdash rewiring later, you figure out that a bicycle generator is not something you can throw together on a whim, especially when it's almost pitch black (because-you-have-no-power) and you're holding a flashlight between your teeth.
You're getting desperate, and you know what they say...
7. Siphon Gasoline From Your Car
Desperate times call for sucking gas out of your car with your mouth.
It doesn't work.
8. Burn The Book From Earlier
You know this won't work. But fuck War and Peace for not being a backup generator.
9. Stick A Knife In A Light Socket
Think about it. Yes, it's possible the smell of fire and ash from your flaming copy of War and Peace has driven you mad. On the other hand, when's the next time you are going to get this opportunity? Without, you know, dying.*
*Note: you still might die. Don't test this.
10. Go Outside
No, don't worry; this isn't surrender. You are not going to do an activity or get exercise like some kindergartner or Neanderthal. No, you are going outside with purpose. First, you're going to scream at the moon and the stars and the gods for taking away that which you love (electricity). You're going to see if your neighbors still have power. If they do, then you curse them too. If not, then you...
11. Find Out What Caused This Freaking Mess
You stalk down the street. Your eyes follow every inch of the power-lines until they curve down, and lo and behold, there is a tree. One tree. Some stupid tree which didn't have the foresight (because this is no longer on you, no sirree) to sink its roots deeper into the ground. So when a storm came, like anyone, person or tree, should have known was 100 percent guaranteed to happen, the tree went down.
You sprint for home. You will have your revenge.
12. Take An Axe To The Tree
TREEEEEEE!
13. Stop When You Realize...
That trees are pretty big and hard to chop through. Also, you hear sirens approaching, and one or more neighbors are staring at you whilst describing your clothes and physical characteristics. Luckily, when you run home to safety, your neighbors will no longer be able to see you.
Because you have no power.
14. Call Friends For Safe House
After a night of never-ending, electricity-less madness, you finally begin to see clearly again. You may have committed tree murder. At the very least, you've butchered a tree body. You need a safe house. With shaky hands you pull your phone out of your pocket to call your best friend, and...
15. Remember Your Phone Has Internet
...oh yeah.
16. Rejoice
For when it was darkest, and it seemed all was lost, thine smart phone showed the way.
