It’s that time of year again. Christmas music has begun to play anywhere and everywhere, the extra-festive folks start decorating as soon as the leaves start to die, and people are traveling all across the country to reunite with their loved ones for the holidays. That warm, fuzzy feeling is in the air and there’s no denying that get-togethers with every single relative in the Western Hemisphere will soon occur.
It’s definitely the most interesting time of the year.
If you come from a large family, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Family events are something you don’t want to miss but are impossible to avoid, and each year you’re reminded that while you can’t get rid of all those cousins and aunts and uncles, you can’t help but love them.
I’ve noticed over the years that all family gatherings during the holidays begin to feel the same, and they all follow a certain pattern.
1. The Start Of The Party
You enter the room, and everyone and their brother hugs. Some people cry, and everyone gives you that once-over look.“The last time I saw you, you were knee-high to a grasshopper!” “What’s your major? Do you have a boyfriend? What’s your five-year plan?” Your eyes grow bigger and you grab a roll to stuff in your mouth, avoiding answering.
2. Meal Time
Basically gaining the "Freshman 15" within hours of arriving because everyone wants to “put some skin on your bones”. If you’re from the South, you’re plate is barely eaten before Grandma’s right behind you, loading you up on more sweet potatoes; You silently pray for the diabetes gene to pass over you as you graciously accept and continue to eat.
3. Table Talk
Catching up on family gossip, parents start listing their children’s accomplishments, and somewhere on the other end of the table your great aunt and uncle are arguing on whether or not “that one time” happened on a Tuesday or a Wednesday.
4. Post-Meal Lingering
As the meal finishes (hours later), your mom reminds you to either help with dishes, get in the back of the dessert line, or escort the old people to the living room (usually with a death grip on your left arm, undetected by nearby relatives).
5. Name Game
As you finally settle in on the couch and abandon all hopes of personal space, you look around the room and realize there’s that one person you’re not sure you actually know. Brenda’s second cousin? Kevin’s nephew? Everywhere you turn, there he is.
6. Late-Afternoon Lull
Five different conversations are going on around you at once. You pull out your phone and within minutes someone’s asking who you’re texting; “No Aunt Carol, it’s not my boyfriend.” Uncle Donny tells that same story you’ve all heard each year before, but you laugh like you’ve never heard it anyway.
7. Risky Business
The volume in the room escalates as the conversation turns to football and then politics (always controversial, right?). Before you know it, Grandpa is half-shouting, hearing aids off, about why Obama is the worst thing to happen to this country. Your brother is on his knees yelling at the TV and you’re wondering why he’s surprised that the Lions lost again.
8. "Say turkey!"
The end of the night rolls around, and the conversation slowly dies but nobody leaves. You all sit in silence looking around at each other until someone in the kitchen yells, “Family picture!” and you all squeeze in front of the fireplace, complete with a crying baby and half of the eyes closed. Gold, pure gold.
9. Last-Minute Excuses
After making statements about “really needing to head out”, you all slowly move closer to the door as everyone decides to hug every other person in the room. The debate begins on the best routes to get home, despite having capable GPS systems.
10. Curtain Call
Another half hour later, everyone finally heads out. You close the garage, lock the doors, and survey the mess of dishes and chairs before cleaning up. Then silence. Beautiful silence.
No matter how you choose to celebrate the holidays, family is something special. You can’t live with them but sure can’t live without, and despite all of the craziness, there’s something about this time of year that brings people together. I wish you all a season filled with too much dessert and hope your holidays are as story-inspiring as mine.
