Every New Year people come up with the most general resolutions such as to lose weight, eat healthier, save money, spend less, fall in love, etc. These are the cookie cutter resolutions that make your life better. But resolutions are also things you should be looking to change throughout the whole year, rather than waiting until a holiday to kick-start your new lifestyle. However, some people take an unusual look at resolutions, creating these strange, idiotic, and concerning goals:
1. Drink more. Wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy"? So be happy.
I approve.
2. Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.
Sarcasm at it’s finest. (I hope…)
3. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
You sick, sick human.
4. Stop licking frozen flag poles.
So this happens in real life and not just in the movies?
5. Check my work e-mail account at least once this year
I’m surprised you even have a job.
6. Stop buttering my doughnuts.
And here I thought you could only butter muffins…
7. I resolve not to swim in any swimming pool without water.
Oh yeah, me too.
8. I will not yell expletives and develop road rage when a driver cuts me off, especially when I am driving my convertible.
This is the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.
9. Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
Where else were you putting it?! The trash can?!
And finally…
10. I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
You’re kidding, right?
