So Kim Kardashian gets robbed at gunpoint, Donald Trump isn’t paying taxes, Brad and Angelina are getting a divorce and I’m just trying to pick my poison before I pass out and roll over dead.
Well hold on, there’s more.
If you haven’t been keeping up with the news or you live under a rock, we are in the midst of an epidemic.
Remember when everyone thought it was cool to joke about near-death experiences? You probably thought you were a real wiz' in middle school if you ever tweeted something as clever as:
That awkward moment when you get in the van and there’s no candy.
Well kids, our days of escaping child predators are not quite so over. I’m afraid it has escalated quickly into something much more concerning.
Believe it or not, Halloween seems to have come early this year. Ghosts and goblins are now a stretch of the imagination because this has been the year of the creepy clown. Yes, that’s right, the creepy clown. Clown sightings are on the rise and it’s only getting worse.
There seems to be two types of clowns: Malicious and Phony
The Malicious Clown:
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, because the clowns are getting everyone out here! Stephen King’s horror film IT has become a reality. Clowns that wander on their own and prey on the vulnerable is the epidemic we are experiencing. There has been an outbreak in nationwide cases concerning victims that have fallen short to random acts of violence. Most of these cases correlate to there being evidence of a clown sighting at the scene of the crime. Clowns have been luring children into woods, cyber attacking victims with death threats and even chasing their victims down street alleys. The latest and greatest scheme of these creepy clowns are to carry a knife on them when they are promoting their act. We do not know why these clowns want to agonize us with such terror, but they are really putting fear into our lives.
The Phony Clown:
Boo hoo, I got you! The phony clown is nothing but a total whack-job of a person who decides to hop on the bandwagon. Any person who has the time to paint their face and buy a cheap red afro just to scare people needs to have their HEAD EXAMINED. We get it, it’s ALMOST Halloween. But save your spooks for the trick-or-treaters, and in the meantime, go find another hobby. These actors are just dressing up as clowns to install fear in the lives of whoever are fools to their sick joke. Yes, it is funny to scare people. But it’s not funny when you’re scaring people so much where they think you have the potential to be violent.
Word to the wise: Don’t engage with clowns! Most importantly, always call 911 if someone or something is ever threatening your safety or well-being. This epidemic will terminate as soon as we stop feeding into it. It’s time to stop clowning around.
