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Politics and Activism

#thanksdon

A collection of minor indignities and irritations for which I choose to blame the 45th President of the United States

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#thanksdon
Jeff Malet/Newscom via ZUMA

The following is a select list of things that have gone wrong for me in my life or that bother me about the world in which we all live, for which I am choosing to hold Donald Trump personally responsible. One would be keen to recognize that none of these things are particularly serious; that it is hard to find a way to sincerely link any of these things to the current President of the United States; and that some of these things only affect me tangentially. But I'm still very salty about the way that some of my countrymen spoke of Barack Obama and this is an unnecessarily petty attempt to balance the cosmic scales.

1. I got a paper cut on a french fry carton the other day.

2. At least once a week I order food at a restaurant, and when told to enjoy my meal I respond with "You too" on accident.

3. Almost every day this week, I've woken up within the 5 minutes before my alarm went off.

4. Once when I was in middle school, I laughed so hard that I peed a little.

5. Billy Corgan.

6. The price of candy has totally gone up in the last few years, right?

7. I'm often very itchy.

8. I chose to continually embrace career paths that aren't very well liked by the masses and that's a bit of a bummer.

9. One time I bought a carton of eggs and all but 1 of them were broken.

10. Tone Loc isn't a major pop cultural figure anymore.

11. Neither is Sinbad.

12. My coat keeps getting stuck in the door to my car.

13. My eyelashes are naturally very long and constantly get in my eyes.

14. Goats.

15. Sometimes I think people are saying my name but they're actually saying other words that sound very similar.

16. Multiple times I've seen people wave at me really excitedly and got a little excited too, only to realize that they were waving at the person behind me.

17. Once when I was little, I dropped a Popsicle on the ground.

18. Poorly wrapped burritos are a real thing.

19. Sometimes my brain thinks of 2 ways to respond to someone and instead of picking one or the other it tries to do both. For example, instead of "you're welcome" or "no problem" it comes out as "your problem"

20. My favorite pair of pants is probably developing a hole in the crotch.

21. There's something sinister about the letter "z" that I can't quite put my finger on but it's there and I don't like it.

22. Ranch Dressing.

23. Maybe 70% of the times that I think of a just brutal comeback, it's 20 minutes after the conversation has moved on.

24. I had a really clever ending to this list and my browser decided to eat it so now, dear reader, have this B- joke instead. #thanksdon

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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