You never know someone until you see how he treats someone to whom he isn't obligated to be kind. There's a human decency in respecting service workers, for instance. Society accepts those who are rude, but on a personal level, we scorn the behaviour because it is wrong to mistreat others, especially when you know they cannot or will not fight back. I am lead by convictions and committed to being honest and faithful to everyone. I have seen too much personal loss and betrayal to bother playing games with people. I believe in lasting friendships built on mutual interests and understanding rather than on convenience or flattery. All of these are why I am thankful for my break-up.

I never realized or understood the significance of what a horrible person my ex is when we were together. I was there as he talked about friends behind their backs, saying what he spent years never saying to their faces. I saw him disregard the efforts of others. I experienced his lies, broken promises, lies, hypocrisy, lies, and selfishness. All the while, thinking that he was growing and improving himself and trying to do what was right. He lives in a bubble in which everything he does is understandable and perfect while only actions of others are condemnable. His current lifestyle absolutely repulses me, and I thank whatever gods may be for showing me that I deserve so much better.

I am not particularly religious, but I do believe situations occur for a reason. My life is better without people who intend to deceive me. My relationships are better with people who want me to be a part of their lives. I am better when I am not being constantly criticized. For well over the final year of our relationship, I was constantly criticized for having ideas by someone who is incapable of forming his own ideas. I trusted him even when he did things that he didn't trust me to do. And I thought it was fine because we were happy, but happiness is not enough for a relationship. With him, I became someone I hardly recognized. Everyone around us, including our teachers, saw that I treated him far better than he deserved. But my heart was too big, and I held on to the friendship that had been cultivated in tenth grade though it was no longer there. He was always a far better friend than he was a boyfriend.

This holiday season is my first spent alone in several years, but I know that I am far happier because I am no longer being deceived each day in an unhealthy relationship. At times, I miss having someone to talk to, but then I remember the times when he wasn't there. As a friend, he expressed interest in creating plans with me and talking to me, but to him, that desire to be with someone is allowed to die after the first few months. For me, friendship should be genuine, not faked, and not used to pull someone out of his loneliness. If you do not know who you are and what you want, you will never be happy and sure of yourself in a relationship. I never really imagined marrying him, and I think it's because I always knew he wasn't someone my kids would be able to respect. I wouldn't want them to see his actions or his decisions as admirable. As this holiday season comes and passes, I hope to express the positives of not being committed to people who are not good for us.

You will never know who you are or who you could've been if you are tied to someone who does not challenge you to be a better you. I want and deserve someone who will challenge me to care more, love more, hope more. And I deserve someone who I can challenge to pursue his dreams, someone who will actually have goals and aspirations. Maybe that man or woman won't be in my life in 2017 or even 2018. But I can't become the woman he or she deserves if I am tied to a boy who takes pride in neglecting others. For most of the world, 2016 was a bad year. But for me, 2016 freed me. I would have cared for him through friendship for as long as I was able, but he is currently the kind of person with whom I would never want to be friends. He doesn't have the maturity to respect those who do the right thing. He throws away years of friendship because he suddenly adopts the opinions of whoever is the last to say them. He hops into relationships when "being single is hard," despite how cruel that mindset is for someone who has a genuine interest in him. He joins in on jokes about friends being "dead to him," without regard for those who have friends that have committed suicide. His life is a representation of privilege and laziness and wasted potential. His privilege and debt free life may get him a better job or house or vacation spot one day, but I have faith that my ideas and interests and experiences will help me grow into a person far better than who I am now, without ever having to deceive others. Through my growth, I'll attract others who like the person I am trying to become while he will spend years repeating the same behaviours and experiences and saying, "I always try to do the right thing" but never acting on his word. His "heart is confused" because he jumps in and out of relationships for absurd reasons and has no interest in spending time alone to figure out who he is and what his interests are. I deserve friends who value me; his approach was to take advantage of my patience, support, and forgiveness while offering none in return. My advantage is that I am already better now than I have been in years, and my current friend group has more intellectual intrigue in their pinky toes than he does in his entire body. I read more, sing more, and experience more adventures now than I ever did with him. Break-ups are confusing and strange, but they are usually what is best for us. May the recent singles on my friend list take heed, your break-up is probably the best thing to happen to you in 2016. Whether it was 3 months or 3 years, view it as a failed experiment. If Thomas Edison saw his first few hundred failed attempts as an end-all, he would never have given us the lightbulb. We all have a working lightbulb out there somewhere, but we have to dig through dirt to reach gold.