A Thank You To Everyone Who Took Care Of Me During The Worst Time Of My Life

A Thank You To Everyone Who Took Care Of Me During The Worst Time Of My Life

I went through one of the hardest things, but I am so thankful that I don't have to go through it alone anymore.

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When my abusive relationship ended, I felt so lost and confused at that point in my life. I remember feeling so destroyed and feeling like everything I had built myself up to be before that relationship started had been shattered. I was a shell of what I was and I knew in my heart that my life had been forever changed. It was so easy for me to hide my sorrow and allow myself to be alone in the world, but every person who was there for me, every one of you, has shown me by being there for me that company is always positive and it's been making my recovery easier than I would have originally thought.

I remember I had a conversation with my abuser not too long before I finally came out about what he had done to me where he admitted to me that he doesn't see the wrong in his actions, small or large actions. This made me think long and hard about why I was "protecting" him and why I didn't leave when he first laid his hands on my throat. I made excuses to myself thinking that maybe he didn't realize what he was really doing to me? Maybe it was something I did wrong? Maybe I deserved it?

I would always place the blame on myself for not being good enough instead of realizing that what he did to me was wrong and not my fault, end of story. If you're going to put your hands on someone in any type of way, communication is key, asking your partner if you can touch them is healthy, this is not what he did to me. This was so hard to talk about when it was happening and even writing this is taking more courage for me than I intended.

I remember the morning I first came out and told someone that I had been choked in that relationship. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, telling someone I love and value that someone else mistreated me, and I know it was the hardest thing he had to hear. I later went on to tell my parents, my therapist, and a few other close friends and every single one of them has constantly stayed by my side and helped guide me in my recovery every step of the way. To any of you who have been there who are reading this now, I cannot thank you enough.

Without your love and support, I don't think I would have ever come out about my struggles. I have finally gotten to the point where I can forgive him for hurting me so we can both move on in our lives without holding grudges, I want to love instead of hate, but I know I will never be able to forget what happened to me. I thank all of you for getting to me this point where I can begin to move on towards a happier and healthier life for myself and I can't even begin to thank you all enough for loving me at my worst. I have never experienced pain quite like this before and it was one of the hardest things I had to go through, but I am so thankful that I don't have to go through it alone anymore. Thank you. I love you.

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I Know She's My Forever Friend

A forever friend is one of the most important people in your world.
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The bond that my forever friend and I have is something that I do not have with any other person in the world. This is a list of ways you know that you have a forever friend:

You never get tired of being around her

She is probably the only person in your life that hasn't begun to bother you for some reason or another, at some point in time. You could spend hours, or days, with her. Even the smallest things you do together are fun because you are with her.

No subject is off-limits

You tell each other everything, and I mean, everything.

Thinking about seeing each other over break

And of course, when you do see her

Your family is her family, and her family is yours

It's not weird for you to be at her house all the time, show up at strange hours, or just decide to spend the night even though you live three houses away. And of course, her family welcomes you in like you are another one of their daughters.

You two have a bizarre sense of humor that only you understand

Whether it is the nights you spend watching random YouTube videos at 2 a.m. that make you both laugh so hard you cry or the commercials on TV that are only funny to the both of you, only you guys understand the humor in certain situations. You have probably experienced some of the most embarrassing moments together, and if not together, then you got a vivid story of the event.

You have no filter when she is being overdramatic

You pick up where you left off

If you and your forever friend are anything like me and mine, we do not talk every single day. You may only speak once a week, but it will give you the opportunity to catch up and talk like you have talked every single day. There may be quick conversations to see how the other is doing because you know you are saving all of the important stories for when you see each other again. At this point, conversations don't even start with "Hi" anymore, you just jump right to the point and tell her what you need to.

You really don't have a choice when she needs to go to the mall

She would do anything to make you smile

Even when you are feeling down, your forever friend knows just the right thing to do to make you happy again. Whatever the case is, she will be there for you always. She will say, and do, just about anything that will make everything better.

And sometimes she just needs a reminder…

Cover Image Credit: PopSugar

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Outgrowing Friendships Is A Necessary Part Of Life

Let go of a friendship that was not meant to last.

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Why do friendships naturally begin to gravitate away from each other? Why is there an emptiness within the bond that used to be filled with excessive passion? Why does effort suddenly disappear? Why do we lose the pieces that once kept us together? At times I find myself unable to look at people who were a part of my past without tears fill my eyes to the point of exhaustion simply thinking of the friendship we used to possess. There are many moments I cannot understand why, when, and how we ended up going in different directions. It seems impossible to release the specialness we once shared. I cannot fathom how we have been walking in parallel routes without even a glimpse of each other. I wonder if there's anything I could have improved upon to save us. Or were we not meant to be rescued?

Appreciate that you are engaging in internal growth, even if it is at the cost of separation from those you love deeply.

The timelines of our lives do not always match with those around us. Sometimes as we fall into the pits of despair, our friends find inescapable love. Sometimes as our friends grieve burdensome pains, we begin to visualize ourselves in a new light. As our pathways begin to part due to our progressions and setbacks occurring at diverse times, we fail to acknowledge the extents of our personal developments because we are too invested in analyzing a friendship that was not meant to last. When we lose such friendships we take our strengths for granted. We fail to think of the person we have become throughout the course of these attachments.

Do not overthink distanced friendships or it will lead you to endless self-doubt and unneeded frustration.

We drive ourselves insane by shifting such blame upon ourselves when we are left on an empty road full of questions. Such questions will What could I have done to create such a disconnect within this friendship? Did I say something so exceedingly wrong to cause this hurtful shift? Did I bother this person with an unintentional act of thoughtlessness? Could I have been a greater friend? When we question, we doubt ourselves in ways we do not deserve. Recognition is needed to conquer the unsettling thought that there is not always a reason for everything.

As you find yourself contemplating if the connection still remains, acknowledge that the underlying meaning of this contemplation means that the bond has disappeared. As life changes, people change, and as people change, their most valued friendships come to a close due to the similarities fading. Although this is a saddening concept to grasp, it is one that everyone should be prepared to experience. Sometimes there is no reason behind a dying connection aside from the interruptions life brings. We wrongly search for an exact understanding of why specific friendships do not feel as exciting or as effort-filled as they once were. But rather, we must seek to appreciate a friendship for all that it has consisted of, and learn to be OK with the fact that some relationships are not designed to be repaired when all that is left to discuss is the past versions of ourselves.

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