Thank you.
Thank you for everything you have done for me. I know it's weird for my to say this, but I wanted to thank you. I could not hate you forever, even if I wanted to. You did something for me that helped me become better. So, thank you.
We started out as acquaintances, became best friends, then the inevitable happened, we fell in love. You were the person who understood me more than I understood myself, you finished my jokes, and you made me feel wanted. That was all I ever wanted—to feel wanted by someone. You gave me that.
We started as friends. There was a mutual friend. She introduced me to your friendship; it was as if I found another me in this world. Quick friends, we began to share stories of our past, things we've done, places we've been, and our dreams for the future. I will never forget the first night we stayed up talking, it seemed to go on for hours. I could not take the smile off my face if I wanted to. Thank you for becoming one of my first friends at college. You showed me what it meant to have a person who would not judge you, and make stupid choices with. Thank you.
Over our first Christmas break, I felt a longing inside, to be with you again. We had fallen out towards the end of the semester, things I do not wish to remember. What happened then could have changes how we ended. I guess we will never know what could have happened. I don't wish to wonder "What If?" That would lead from thoughts to questions to me crying uncontrollably. Fighting the urge to call you, say I'm sorry, and I can't do that to myself. I did leave you a message on New Year's, I had missed you so much. "Hey, I don't know why I'm calling. No thats a lie. I miss you. I miss the way you hold me. You hold me so nice."
Second semester things changed, we fell into an inevitable romance that cascaded us into the night. Flying into the soul of love. There was nothing in this would but you and me. Nothing had ever felt so right. Thank you. You gave me love unconditionally. You gave me something I had never felt before. We could have chosen to ignore what was happening between us, but we took that love and never left go. Thank you for that; you taught me to love myself and who I was. Thank you.
Our demise came as quick as a hurricane, destroying everything in it's path.We fought, cried, and questioned what had happened? We could not figure out what had happened to us. Where this ending came from? You blamed my friends, said I was letting them sway me from staying. I blamed you for not being ready for a real relationship.
It is something to be seen when workers take down a tree that has been up for years. They start with the branches, limb by limb. Move to the top of the tree, cutting small slices away working to the bottom. When it comes time for the roots to be pulled out, it is painful to watch. You see the ground is ripped apart. You see truly how embedded into the earth this tree was. You see how once they are taken apart how you need to mend that wound with care.It felt as if you were ripped from my heart in one motion. I cried for days. Things could not have been worse. I was angry, I was broken, I was miserable. Even through all of the pain you caused me, I need to thank you. You gave me so many memories that I can cherish. I had some of the best times with you. You could make me laugh without saying a word. You gave me such love that I could never replace. To the boy who broke my heart you taught me to become a better person. I live my life with love for everyone because of you. Thank you a thousand times over. People will always ask if I would change how things happened. I say "no, I would not be where I am today with out him." "What about the pain?" I think of Alfred Lord Tennyson's Poem "In Memoriam A.H.H." and the stanza
"This truth came borne with bier and pall,
I felt it, when I sorrow'd most,
'Tis better to have loved and lost,
Than never to have loved at all—"
Thank you for everything.
