This past week, one of our best friends decided that she couldn't take the pain anymore. Her depression won. I am glad that she is finally at peace but I'd be lying if I said it's been easy. Luckily, I have a pretty great group of friends to help me cope. This is my thank you to them. This is not to diminish anyone who has reached out and offered to be there for me. This is simply for our close group of friends that all lost someone so beautiful to us.

So of course, I'd like to start by saying thank you. Thank you for being awake in the group chat we created, 24 hours a day. Thank you for always responding. I know we weren't the closest group in the world, but I'm amazed and thankful at how quickly we became the closest group I've ever had. I love that I can talk about my last conversation with her a thousand times over (and I know you all have heard it a thousand times now) and no one tells me to shut up. I think it's great that we can laugh with each other about every little memory we have. Thank you for ugly crying with me. Because let's be honest, none of us have a pretty crying face. Thank you.

Next, I'd like to apologize. I know I've been there only here and there (physically been there). I know you all know why. But I still feel bad. I feel like I can't be there the same way you guys are there for me. I know that you can pick up the phone and text me at any hour and I will answer and I hope you all know that too. But I want to say that I'm sorry that my current situation has me in a place where it's hard for me to just hang out with y'all at anytime without warning. Please know that as soon as all this bullshit is done, anytime of the day or night, I will drop everything I'm doing and run to you, probably with a baby on my hip, but I will run to you at two in the morning just to give you a hug. And if you really need me to, current situation aside, I will find a way to do that now too. I'm working on being there more. I don't ever want any of you to think that you can't call me.

Now, I'm going to get super sappy; I am proud of all of you. We don't all grieve in the same way. No one does. But you all have been so understanding of everyone's grieving process. You all check in. You all text me when you get home and we remind each other daily that we are loved. You have no idea what that means to me. I've never had a good SOLID group of girlfriends. It was always one or two close girlfriends here and there. I'm so proud to say; those are my girlfriends; look at how amazing they are. Look at how they help each other. I feel like I could turn to any single one of you and no matter what the matter or the issue is, one of you would sit down with me for hours and talk about it. Or drink about it. The other night I reached out for a hand to hold and four hands reached back for me. I'm so proud to call you all my friends.... my family.

The pain of her leaving us will never be gone. Her memory will be with us all forever. But so will the love we had for her and for each other. Please remember, a heart that's been broken is a heart that's been loved. She loved every single one of us. I can still hear her laughing. As I type this, I can pretty much hear her reading it over my shoulder and asking if I could be anymore sappy. And yes, bitch, yes I could. *insert head throw back laugh here* But I won't. Because for the 80,000,000,000 time this week, I'm in tears again. So I'll end it here by saying again that I'm so thankful for you. I love you. This has been such a hard week, but you have made it a little less painful. Remember that she loved us and now, she is no longer suffering. Now, she is laughing at all of our unhealthy coping mechanisms going "Yes, bitch, yes! Do it! No chill!" I hope you read that in her voice, God knows that's how I heard it...