A Thank You to My Second Mom(s)

A Thank You to My Second Mom(s)

When I started school I realized that blood doesn't make you family.

Split families has become a lot more common however whenever someone hears that the parents are split, they assume that the mom is the one taking care of the kids. That wasn't the case for me.

My dad was both parents for me growing up; he played the mom and the dad role. He was there to talk to me about every crush I had or every puberty thing that happened to me growing up. He even bought me flowers and took me out to eat as well as went into the store himself to buy me pads when I got my first period.

He learned how to braid hair when I was younger and learned all the new fashion trends so I would be on top of it. Every shopping spree felt like I was with my mom and not my dad. He took on both roles with such grace and speed that I never felt I was missing out on anything.

However the older I got, the more abandoned I felt. Sure, I saw her every once in awhile but a majority of the time she always called and cancelled. It got to a point where when I was about 4 or 5 she called and told me that we'd go to the beach but I never told my dad because I knew she would cancel and sure enough she did.

Around that point is where I started to wonder why. Why wasn't I good enough and why didn't my mom want to spend time with me?

But then I started school and I realized that blood doesn't make you family.

My grade school and middle school mom was my best friends mom; I originally met her through soccer and then we ended up going to the same school. She bought me presents every Christmas like I was her own kid and even threw me a birthday party when I was 7. She showed up to every sporting event even when her daughter wasn't playing to cheer me on and support me. She even joined the snack sign up list stating she was my mom for softball for a few years. I went to her for everything. Yes, my dad was always there and I told him everything as well, but it was nice having that female connection. Someone I could look up to and say I wanted to be like. She taught me how to cook and how to braid hair. She even taught me how to apply makeup when I became old enough.

Like everything though, once 8th grade came and went we ended up going to different high school and drifted apart so I no longer had my second mom. I was heartbroken. It was like going through that abandonment as a kid all over again. Then I met my high school best friend.

My high school mom wasn't so much as the teaching mom but the loving mom. When I went through my first relationship she was always all ears for every up and down and she was there during my first break up. She met my boyfriends in high school before my dad did. I spent just as much time in their house as I did in mine for those four years. She knew about every homework assignment and test and would always wish me luck before one or congratulate me after doing well. She showed up to my hockey games for the two years I played in high school before my concussions and helped take care of me through them. She always cooked my favorite meals when I was over and even made me desserts and got me small gifts for special occasions.

Just like middle school, her and I went our separate ways for college. This time was easier though. I was more independent and didn't feel the need for a mom figure anymore. I knew I was going to be okay just like that little 4 year old knew she didn't really need her mom because she had so many woman around her who loved her. Woman who filled in for "bring your mom" events and showed up for everything that meant something to me.

But I still ended up with an amazing college mom. Definitely one of my favorites. The cool fun mom. The mom that's more of your friend than your mom. The one you can cuss around and talk shit with. The one that will make fun of you constantly just because she can. Yet will buy you stuff to make you feel better. Always listens when you're panicking and is always there to cry on when you're sad.

I always thought that I needed my mom, that I was so different and that my life would be better if I had a normal family however I realize that's not true. I had plenty of moms throughout my life even if I never really had my biological one.

So this is a thank you to my second moms.

Thank you for always being there for every sporting event, school concert, play, and even graduation. For always cheering me on even when your own daughter wasn't present.

Thank you for being so supportive. You always listened to me whenever I needed anything and always helped me to find the correct way. For helping me find the best path for me and helping me get through the hard times.

Thank you for the laughs. I can't thank you enough for all the fun enjoyable times that we had together. I will forever cherish all those movie nights, dinners, shopping sprees, bonfires, and even car rides. My time spent with you was always so full of joy that I'm glad I was able to experience.

Thank you for the food. I was able to experience meals cooked by a mom even though my dad was an amazing cook.

Thank you for loving me like your own. I never once felt like I didn't belong. I felt like I was truly your own daughter and that there was no difference. I never once felt like I was abandoned; I felt nothing but love.

I'm sure my life would be different had my parents stayed together but I am extremely happy with how my life is now. I will always wish my real mom acted more like my mom but I wouldn't trade all the second and more real moms I was able to experience throughout my years.

So thank you, second moms, for being some of the best things to ever happen to my life.

Cover Image Credit: Aesome

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6 Signs You Are Destined To Be A Suburban Mom, Range Rover And All

You have a destined life.

People always look for the American dream. The big houses. The white picket fences. The perfect families. But, there are signs you are going to be a bomb suburban mom.

1. The future you is already planned

You are a planner. You have pretty much everything planned out. You have a Pinterest board with items for your wedding. You have thought about where you want to live. Your ideal future includes a second home, a country club membership and probably a Range Rover.

2. Your shopping habits match your personality

You are always finding the deals and the best sales. Target is your heaven. Vineyard Vines and Kate Spade are in your vocabulary. If you have twins, they will most likely wear the same outfits for at least the first year.

See also: 5 Thoughts Every Girl, Even Queen Bey, Has When She Walks Down The Aisles Of Target

3. You are ready for kids

You have your kids' full names picked out. You know your kids will be healthy and cute. You’ll raise them right, just like your momma raised you. Your son will play lacrosse and baseball, just like your husband did. Your daughter might be a volleyball star because she’s tall, just like you.

4. Food is your language

Whole Foods is your best friend. You try to eat healthily, but you always cave when it comes to a bag of chips. Your Starbucks barista? She knows your order so well, and it’s waiting for you when you arrive at the same time every single day.

5. Your pastimes fit the mom description perfectly

You love flipping through magazines and trying to keep up with the Kardashians. You love to shop and gossip and go out to grab a meal with your friends. You cannot begin to think about leaving this lifestyle behind.

6. You are a social butterfly

You love planning parties and attending parties. You love to go out to brunch with your friends and catch up on life. You love to be seen out with all your friends.

Cover Image Credit: @kuwtk

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I'm Going To Raise My Kids The Way My Parents Raised Me

I am who I am today because of my parents, and I want to teach my kids everything my parents taught me.

My parents have done SO much for me, and that's only an understatement. They have provided me with so much care and love in addition to all the materialistic things and I will forever be indebted to them for all of that. I guess one way I can make up for it is to be a good parent to my kids and pass along the values and morals that my parents passed onto me. I can only hope that I will be as good of a parent to my kids as my parents were to me.

Even as a child, my parents were never strict with me. They were strict enough that I was not wild and rude, but they gave me freedom that other kids (especially Indian kids) would have longed for, and that to me meant a lot. Even as I started middle school and high school, my parents were very lenient. It's not like I did anything bad to begin with, but they trusted me to do the right thing. They let me hang out with my friends when I wanted but made sure I knew my priorities at the same time.

Other kids' parents would yell at them and punish them for getting even one bad grade but my parents told me to just work harder next time and gave me advice on how to improve. I wasn't studying or trying to get good grades to avoid getting yelled at by my parents, I was doing it to make my parents proud of me and my achievements. There's a difference.

Both my parents grew up in small, impoverished villages in India where education was not as important or prominent. Yet they worked hard and studied while other kids their age didn't. My dad got a degree in engineering and married my mom and they were both able to move to America. My mom got a degree in accounting and then later in the medical field as a physician's assistant.

Five years of not working after my younger brother was born, she studied day and night in the field of IT and landed her first job in a couple months at a bank. Both my parents have worked so hard to provide everything that their kids (my brother and I) have needed or wanted, and that is so admirable. I cannot even imagine the struggles they had to go through to get from living a relatively poor life in a small village in India to having a middle-class life in the United States.

All their endeavors and accomplishments serve as motivation for me to live up to everything they did in whatever way I possibly can. They taught me that working hard is the only way to live a good life in this world and to become something, have a purpose in life.

Aside from all that, they taught me to be a good person. They taught me to help people when they need it and to always be kind to people because we never know when we might need their help too. They taught me a lot about my culture and religion and to appreciate all of it and understand it all in ways that many people can't. They taught me a whole language, and not only to speak it but to write and read it too.

That is so hard to do especially when a child is brought up in a country where English is the main language and where that is the only language they are to speak outside of home. I cannot thank them enough for that. Teaching a language, culture, and religion is something that is not easy to do, especially to a child.

Every personality and physical trait has somehow been influenced by my parents and I am who I am today because of them. I will continue to follow in their footsteps and only hope to pass everything they have taught me along to my kids in the future.

Cover Image Credit: Avni Gundaliya

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