Ever heard the songs "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift and "Ready, Set, Don't Go" by Billy Ray Cyrus? I have, and they both make me think of my parents. I even made them an iMovie before I moved into college of pictures from before I was born to the day I graduated high school, Taylor and Billy in the background making it even more emotional. If you haven't heard those songs, I recommend listening to them. They will make you appreciate your parents even more than you already should.

I am writing this because I just drove back to school after a long morning and "Never Grow Up" started playing when I shuffled Taylor on my phone. Anyone who knows me knows that Taylor is my favorite artist of all time, so this song means even more to me because of that. But even if I hated her, the first strum of her guitar would get me all choked up the second I heard it. She sings about wishing that this little girl would never grow up and stay innocent; talking about how nothing has left her scarred or burned because she's so young, life hasn't gotten the chance to get to her yet. And everytime I hear that lyric, I just start crying. I think about when I was little and how my only concern was what princess backpack I was getting for school that year, or what animal erasers I wanted in my desk. Then I think about how my parents thought about me when I was young. Did they sit there and pray that my heart would never be broken? That I stayed as happy and bright as I was when I was five? That friends wouldn't leave and that things would go smoothly? Probably. I don't doubt that they had conversations about it and feared it happening as I got older. My mom always told me "don't be in such a hurry to grow up", and I wish I wasn't.

Back then I wanted to be 16 so I could drive. Then once I turned 16 I wanted to be 18 so I could be an adult. At 19 I wanted to be 21 so I could drink. But now that I'm a sophomore in college and I'm able to breathe for a second and look back, I have no idea why I thought that way and where the hell 20 years went. Last time I checked I was 8 years old making my first communion and both my grandparents were able to be there. Little did I know that right before I finally got my permit like I wanted when I was little, I'd lose my grandmother and my world would be shaken.

Now that I'm older and I have responsibilities I've realized something; no one has been there for me more than my parents. Through all the heartbreaks and the friends leaving and the failures, my parents still saw the best in me when I couldn't even find one thing about myself that I found positive. Days where I had no one, my mom would call me and make sure I didn't feel left out. My dad would text me pictures of cute bunnies or dogs just to make me smile. They drive up to my college and take me out to dinner when they know I had a tough day. They help me figure out my homework so I'm not as stressed. They work hard to make my life the best that it can be, because they know it hasn't always been that way.

I always say that my parents are my first two best friends, and that is true and will always be true. Some people don't understand how I can be so close with my parents and those people tend to kinda judge me for it. But honestly I couldn't care less. I love my parents, and they love me more than anything else in this world. There are never going to be enough words to describe how much they mean to me, and how I wish there was something I could do to thank them for all they've done for me these past 20 years. For now, all I can do is succeed academically, strive to be the person that my younger self would look up to, and make them and the rest of family (past and present) proud.

Hopefully that's what I'm doing, and hopefully one day I can go to my grandmother's grave and say "I did it Ma, I made it through. It was tough, but I couldn't have done it without momma and daddy." Which is true. Without them I wouldn't be the person I am today, and I would not have been able to get through the tough times in my life had they not been there to help me. It's scary being on your own, and Taylor even mentions that in the song. Singing the words "so here I am in my new apartment in a big city, they just dropped me off. It's so much colder than I thought it would be, so I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on". This is how I felt after my parents left when I moved into college. Alone in a big city left to figure out how to live on my own. I know it's something everyone has to experience, but that doesn't make it any easier.

So mom and dad, as you're reading this I want you to know that even though sometimes we fight and sometimes I might be a pain in the ass, I still love you both more than you'll ever know. You do so much for me and I only hope that one day I can find a way to thank you for everything. I know it's been hard for you guys to watch me grow up and go through hard times and feel like there's nothing you do and like you're losing your little girl. But I promise you, I will always be your little girl. Right until I take my last breath and even after, I will always and forever be your peanut. I couldn't ask for a better set of parents to raise me. Even though you left the hospital after I was born looking at each other and saying "are they really letting us leave with her?", believe me I am so utterly happy you did. I couldn't ask for a better family to be a part of, and I hope I'm making you proud. I love you both so much, more than you'll ever know.