We've all been there. Whether it's the slump of sophomore year, senioritis, or the real fears of being a freshman, we've all at one point questioned our college decision and even going to college in general. These common epiphanies seem like earth-shattering realizations at the time, but as someone who was about two seconds away from transferring, this is what I've learned:
This time last year, I was in intensive therapy for an incident that left me with these realizations. I was also almost fully-enrolled to become a UC Davis Aggie after my freshman year at the University of Arizona. And most importantly, I felt I had no self-worth or value. I felt friendless, ugly, and alone.
First things first, I'd like to thank the friends that left me my freshman year. I'd like to thank you for showing me how to respect myself, despite the fact that you could never did. I was alone. The thing was that I really was alone. It was tragic, and I was desperate. So to those friends who tested me more than I could've imagined, thank you. You made me feel small and unimportant. You made me feel worth nothing. But here's the thing about feeling small and worthless: no one can without your consent. They were making me feel bad about myself because of how they were acting because I was insecure about myself. I made it through without any of you, the people I thought would never make me feel the way I did. So thanks.
Now, here's where the real thank-you belongs: the friends that were there. The ones who promised to never leave and didn't, the ones who kept me from transferring, because God showed me a glimmer of hope in each of them. Thank you to the friends who showed me regardless of how alone I feel, I never really will be. Thank you to the friends who pulled me out of my darkest moments and saved my life. Thank you to the friends who told me to stay and told me they loved me, you were crucial in the storyline of learning to respect myself.
For those of you that felt like you wanted to give up hope after freshman year, I understand. I sympathize. I know what you're going through. To the people who feel like they're sinking, I know how it feels to be alone and like you don't have anyone. It's not true, you are worth it, and one day you're going to find the friends and people that make it all worth it.
It sounds cheesy, it sounds lame. You probably don't believe me, but it always gets better. It always will. Last year, I felt rejected, alone, and like I had no friends or anyone that cared about me. This year, I cannot be more grateful for those lessons I learned the hard way that led me to the amazing life I'm living.
It wasn't changing schools that would have fixed my problems, I honestly think I would've struggled with the same things at UCD, which isn't the same for everyone. It was buckling down, going through what I had to, and learning the lessons I needed.
Everyone always told me it gets better and things will change and you will mature, and I never believed anyone, but I was wrong.
I'm so proud of who I am, who I've formed relationships with, and how I've carried myself. Don't ever tell yourself it doesn't get better. It does. I wouldn't trade anything that happened to me, or how I handled it.
Thank you to those who have stood by me this year. Thank you to my family. Thank you to the University of Arizona. This year was extraordinary, and all I am is excited for what's ahead.
