I love that I hate you and hate that I love you.

You were my person. The one I always imagined myself marrying. The one I pictured having children with and building a house in the mountains together. My friends loved you and most importantly my dad loved you, and that isn’t an easy thing to do. I still remember the first time you told me you loved me, and how patient you were until I was ready to say it back. The first time I said it, even though you barely heard it, you know that I meant it because our love was real.

Our story had its fair share of bumps, bruises and broken down trucks along the way, but no matter what went wrong in the world, I always had you. Maybe I did take advantage of having you around no matter what, but you were the one stable person I could rely on when things got tough. You never failed to make me feel like the most beautiful person in the room and help me to forget about all the troubles in the world.

Your love for me and our future flourished in everything you did. You never ceased to amaze me every day and I know you would try to lasso the moon for me if I asked you to. You sold your truck and purchased the most beautiful ring I had ever laid eyes on just to promise your forever love to me. You would randomly show up with flowers just to brighten up my day and you even joined the military to make a future for yourself and our family.

I’ll never forget that.

College, the military, and distance were not our friends. We were growing and becoming a somebody in the world, but the only somebody I wanted to be was that somebody with you. Not having you there by myside over the years as I experienced life and all of its obstacles, was like a horrible triathlon I had to do all on my own.

I tried to date and experience other things life had to offer but nothing compared to you. No one made me feel the way you did. No one looked at me the way you always would and no one knew and understood me the way you always could. This held me back from ever finding love again in college because I knew what true love looked and felt like and I wasn’t going to settle for anything less.

Every day I still held on to this hope that one day our paths would cross again and if things were meant to be, we would be together again. We didn’t separate because we were bad for each other or didn’t love one another. We separated because we supported each other and what we wanted for our futures and those paths had different starting points. Who’s to say our paths aren’t destined to end together eventually and that is the constant question that lingers in my mind.

Who’s to know what the future has in store for us but I want to thank you for showing me what love is and to never settle with anything less than what I deserve. Thank you for showing me how a man is supposed to treat a woman and how love never dies. Even though you weren’t here physically, you still managed to teach me about life and supported me to become the woman I am today. I owe you everything, from who I have become and who I will be in the future.

I wish you nothing but happiness and hope you find what you're looking for, even if it isn't me anymore. I hope you find someone who shares the same values and views in life and helps you to accomplish all of your dreams. I hope you go to bed, never regretting anything and knowing how great of a person you really are. I love the person I have grown to be because of you, and I hope to one-day fall in love with another who carries such great characteristics as yourself, makes me smile everyday, and loves me for me.

Thanks for being my first love,

You Know Who

XOXO