This is weird, right? Talking casually about self-harming and seeing it spelled out in plain sight like this. It’s such a difficult thing to talk about and it’s made out to be somewhat taboo.
But if you’re someone who used to self-harm, or if you just know someone who did, it’s a very relevant and brutally realistic issue. And what’s even more weird, I’ve met so many people that don’t even understand the concept and how it exists. Which, honestly I can’t blame them. It seems so unnatural to ever want to hurt yourself. It’s just a very dark “you just had to be there” kind of situation almost.
But again, if you used to self-harm, you get it. This was our life and I for one would love to look back on my life and see it as complex and colorful rather than cringing and blurring out certain parts. There just comes a time where you decide that this was a part of me. A heavier part, but a part of me nonetheless. And whether I like to believe it or not, it's made me who I am today. I had to go through hell and back to get here, while others were able to take a smoother path.
But anyway, I just wanted to take the time to say this to anyone who’s ever been trapped in the nightmare of self-harming: thank you for stopping, because it really is a beautiful thing.
Like I said, it’s an unnatural idea in itself to ever want to hurt yourself. We spend so much time avoiding getting hurt in general, and not even just physically. We hide behind computer and phone screens to minimize and dull the blow of real communication. We participate in this “It’s Complicated” deal to avoid the pains of real committed relationships. We do everything in our power to remain untouched and out of danger because the possibility of what we’re capable of in the moment of stress is daunting, especially if you used to self-harm. You know that you’ve created a whole new animal of “stress relief” when faced with conflict. While some people turn to drinking or drugs, you have a whole other ticking time bomb deep down that you tip toe around. It’s a consistent test of resisting temptation and self-preservation.
Managing frustration and fighting to put energies towards something else, something positive, takes so much strength. While other people's minds are at rest, you are truly mentally, continuously fighting. And I want to tell you that you deserve to be celebrated. You deserve all the happy moments you’ve received after you stopped. I hope you feel better and lighter and I hope you take time everyday to quietly appreciate your growth since pulling yourself out of the mentality that you need punishment or relief.
I hope you never feel lonely again. I hope you know that somewhere in this world, someone loves you or will love you.
And most importantly, I hope you know that you are not defined by the scars on your skin and this does not make your heart ugly or undesirable.
I’m so proud of you. Everyone is proud of you. Cheers to your future.
And just, thank you. Thank you for surviving.