Salut Papa,
Ten years have gone by so fast. I sit and gaze as the words you once spoke went through my mind; "They say time flies by fast. Before you know it, you’re up above … up above looking down ... so for now make the memories last. Wash the fears away and save your tears. Don’t drag in the past … for you don’t know what tomorrow foretells. Scream, shout and let it all out. Each day is a gift. You'd better cherish and live it. This life is no stroll, yes, we all know. But without the knots and cuts, there would be no point to life. It would be easy and free-floating. Your past tells your story, your scars should remind you of all you have endured, and your horrifying marks and bruises make you strong, unbreakable. So wash away the tears, store away the fears, live life to the fullest. Never think twice and never look back."
Those words are words one must live by. But Papa, when life has a gun to my head, those words seem to disappear from my mind. Those words leave my body and I become a bitter, disappointed, beaten-down soul. I know that is not the way to live, for how am I even living with anger and hatred in my heart? That is not living. That is surviving. Surviving is finding the strength to get out of bed in the morning. Surviving is fighting the urge to not burst into tears when this life seems to be against you. Surviving is fighting yourself, others and everything around you.
I no longer want to survive Papa. I want to live! Even though you are no longer here with me in the flesh, you give me life. You give me the strength, the hope, and the confidence I need. I hope you are in peace with all for I know you watch me from afar. You’re always on my mind. The days and nights I feel lonesome, I feel your presence. I sense your radiance in tough situations. You direct me to the right path when I feel as though I’m fighting myself. You reassure me I’m not in the dark. When I feel I am invisible, you shine the light on me. You are my guardian angel. You are my Jesus in disguise; forever you will live on. Your name is engraved on my heart.
Thank you, Papa.
