You know who you are.

I want you to know that this letter isn't for your sake, it's for mine. This is my first step to letting go. After this letter to you, I will be ready to talk, if you so choose. Maybe you still need closure too.

First and foremost, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I ended things. I'm sorry that I wasn't grown up enough to just have a conversation with you. I'm sorry that I let us end without so much as a true explanation. I gave you so many reasons why we were over, and not one of them was the entire truth. I'm sorry that who I was then wasn't who you needed. I'm sorry for everything my friends and I said about you after we ended. I'm sorry that I found it so easy to hurt you, or at least I'm sorry if it seemed like it was easy.

The truth is, I was hurt too. I know I ended things, but it wasn't easy. I loved you, I truly did. I hope you understand why it was so hard. The past is in the past, but we both know what happened. Sometimes I still shake at the thought of it. But for me, a part of growing up is letting go of my demons. This is my first step to doing that.

I need you to know how amazing you were. I need you to know that I loved you with every fiber of my body and though I knew we wouldn't last forever, that I still didn't want to let you go. I need you to know how big of a part of my life you are, even now.

I miss you sometimes. I miss your smile, I miss the stupid things you said, I miss how you made fun of me. I'm sorry, I truly am, but I think we both knew that we couldn't last forever.

I still remember how we cuddled. I remember your favorite movie genre. I remember the tattoo you wanted. I remember where we were when you asked if I would be your girlfriend. I remember the date. I remember your favorite show. I remember what you got me for Valentine's Day (I still have it). I remember the task I gave you to get me to finally say 'I love you.' I remember so much and I hope you do too.

I hope you're well. I hope you found your passion and that you are pursuing it. I hope you find everything you want in life. I hope you can find a girl who you can joke around with and love endlessly. I hope she loves you unconditionally, in ways that I just couldn't.

I check on you a lot. I go through each of your family members' social media accounts just hoping I can get a glimpse into how you are. Recently, I saw that you got that tattoo. I imagine your grandfather would've loved it. He would've been so proud of you.

I honestly think of you most days of my life. I think about what we had and what we could've had. Every time I pass your house memories flood my mind. Both good and bad. That's why I purposely don't pass your house that much anymore. When I see one of your siblings or family members I flinch. I always imagine having to see you. I have no idea what I would say.

There are a few things that you still have bragging rights toward. We were together for seven months. That's still the longest continuous relationship I've been in. You're also the most recent boy I've been with from our school (everyone else there kind of sucks). You're the only boy I've invited to an extended-family event. Lastly, you were my first love and you'll have bragging rights for that for the rest of our lives.

After a lot of thinking, I now realize you were my first true love. For the past few years, I've denied it, but I can't anymore. You taught me how a man should treat me. Sometimes I forget, and then I remember you. I don't regret anything because it all taught me what I want and who I need.

So truly, thank you. I forgive you, and I hope you forgive me for everything I said, and everything I didn't say.

Sincerely,

The girl who thanks you for everything she is.