I just want to say, thank you for leaving. In essence, life comes with a lot of uncertainty. Things change all the time, I get it. But part of being human is looking for consistency in a really messed up world; that comes with putting your heart on the line. There are no guarantees in this life except for our birth and our death. Everything in between is a choice. I’ve learned to be incredibly careful where and in whom I invest my time and energy, because not only is life fragile, but so am I.

I am fragile, but I am strong. I am willing to put myself out there if I believe that you are going to stick around and that you have something positive to offer me. Contribute a smile to my day, or let me support you in the goals you’re striving to achieve. An incredibly important lesson to learn is to be a positive contribution to someone’s experience on this world. Do not ever drag others down because you’re miserable or can’t stand the thought of being miserable and alone. I have learned not to satisfy others’ needs for a body and not to be a temporary fix. I owe myself more than what I allow myself to have.

I am strong, but I am fragile. I will invest everything I have into you without asking a lot in return. I love deeply and fluidly and intensely. I will be faithful and committed and you’ll always be on my mind, but I have learned that such powerful emotions should be reciprocated, too. I don’t have to carry the weight of the world all of the time. I have an old soul, but that doesn’t mean I know everything. I blindly believe that there is absolutely good in everyone, mostly because it’s an adapted defense mechanism and a perspective to hold while living this life. It’s short, so there’s no real point in being pessimistic. I will hold faith in you until you show me reasons not to; no longer will I continuously forgive and forget when you don’t stand by me as I do for others. I deserve to be encouraged and to be fought for.

Effort is a very crucial part of any kind of relationship, particularly romantic ones. A girl can become incredibly insecure if she feels like she’s the only one putting in efforts to plan things or talk, so truly just making the slightest effort at setting things up means a lot. It shows continued interest and that the time you share is valuable.

That’s another thing. I won’t waste time anymore. It’s very easy to walk around feeling sorry for yourself because you haven’t got what others have, but continuously each day I find more and more to be thankful for. Take a moment before you get out of bed every day and think about at least five things you’re thankful for and your day will start off on a much better note than if you don’t. Think of the people who are always there for you and who encourage you on your journeys even if it takes you far away from them.

You taught me not to stick around waiting for something just because I want it to happen. Life doesn’t work based on wanting alone. Nothing is promised nor should it be forced. You taught me to really put myself first and to stop putting in too much effort where there isn’t much being returned. You taught me to genuinely appreciate time as it is allocated to me, and I’m sorry I wanted too much of yours.

I wanted to be there for you in whatever ways I could, if it meant the hour plus drive multiple times a week and late nights it didn’t matter. But in a sense I wouldn’t be who I was now because I had to break down a lot before I could put myself back together into someone better.

Thank you for really breaking my heart for the first time because it taught me how to take care of myself.