Throughout my life, I have always struggled with acne. I never asked for it; it was just in my genetics. I have been bullied because of it and it always made me feel horrible inside. I hated being bullied and I hated being judged and I unfortunately care what people think of me. I tended to not hang out with friends at times due to it. My struggle with acne really occurred at a young age, at about I would say starting from the age of twelve or thirteen. After a couple of years though, my acne started to get a lot worse and it led to extreme verbal abuse and complaints from family members. It would get worse, spreading to everywhere on my body. It would be to my surprise that it would get detrimental to the point where I would have to take a medication to lessen the effects and ultimately cure it. Drugs really do work, and I take this medication called Accutane.

It was one of my first experiences of taking a medication for six long months. It was not met with appeal when I went to a dermatologist and he told me that I should go on this medication to cure my acne problems. He gave me special treatments to cure my acne, but they all did not work. I can remember going home and reading the many powerful and dangerous side effects on the paper the doctor handed me. Some effects that were on the paper I received were suicide, depression, severe dry skin, mood changes, hormone changes, joint pain, back pain, drowsiness, stomach problems, hair loss, the list goes on and on. After I read all of the side effects, I pleaded with my mother and grandmother to not put me on this medication. Even though I was almost to the point of crying, it would do nothing, as my parents would make me go on the medication.

So, I was really going to take a medication that could destroy me internally and externally. I was going to take a medication in a way that could kill me. How could my family do this to me? Why did I have to take this medication? Well, my family thought it was the best for me seeing as my acne was not getting better, but just the opposite. Red, swollen pimples that were gooing white slime were one of the reasons. Popping pimples hurts for sure. Every time I popped one, I would feel pain. Sometimes I would pop pimples and they would bled afterwards. I tried about almost every name of acne cream, although none were helping at all. And worst popping my pimples was causing scars on my face that would last forever. To this day I still have some scars on my face that will never leave from popping my pimples. Due to the medication though, I will not have any more on my face.

In turn for taking Accutane, I had to get my blood taken every month so they can check to see if everything was fine. Accutane has the effect of raising your cholesterol and other bad things I can imagine, so I had to get my blood taken constantly. I also could not donate blood due to it. Luckily for me, I was checking out fine for it every month. My first signs of side effects would be the normal ones that occur with the medication, dry skin and dry lips. My lips would get so dry daily that I would have to apply pounds of chap stick daily. There would be dry blood in my nose almost every day followed by dry skin. I had been transformed into a vampire by avoiding the sun because the sun while on Accutane would give more dry skin.

When I first started the medication it was not that bad. I was taking 1 pill a day for the first month. Although, when it got to the 2nd month, I was taking two a day. Then to the 3rd and 4th month, I was taking about 4 pills daily. It was a higher dosage and a higher concentration. I had to eat with every pill or suffer something bad, so I listened. But what this caused was me eating an abundance of food to consume these strong pills. I was in turn gaining weight and exercising less. I was experiencing slight joint pain, so I refused to play basketball or lift weights. I was afraid of breaking a bone or getting hurt, so I did not dare play. So in turn, I lost the activities that I loved to do. Also, I felt dizziness at times, minimal, but nonetheless fatigue. I also could not consume alcohol while on this medication, so I lost that too. Drinking alcohol while on Accutane could be life threatening, which could cause possible damage to my liver or kidneys. Overall, I had to sacrifice a lot to be able to take this medication.

To my surprise, I still feel these same side effects even today. White flakes that are in my hair almost every day with a dry scalp. Something I did not have before taking the medication. My constant peeing and pain in my bladder when I wake up every morning constantly occurs. Before I was taking the medication, this did not happen. Next to another side effect, is my constant dry skin. I look myself in the mirror to see dry skin on both my face and hands. I was never really prone or susceptible to dry skin, but during the medication and afterwards, I now get dry skin often. My knuckles get such bad skin that they bled at times and my skin on my hands gets red. I also feel that I lose hair easier than before after taking Accutane. Aside from this; is my anger. Now during the medication, I did notice that my anger increased, but it still is present now. While I was on Accutane one time when my mother was picking me up from work, I was trying to get into my mother's car on the other side. A car zoomed by while I was trying to open the door to the car. I gave this person the middle finger as he passed by, thinking he would not see me. Although, he did see me and he stopped his car and backed up. My mother was so disappointed in me, the guy basically said that I was lucky she was there and to watch I do not do it to the wrong person. My mother would yell at me in the car for almost 30 minutes about how I could have been beat up or killed if she was not there. Maybe that is extreme, but I do not know. I still am not proud for doing that. Now, my anger has decreased since I have finished, but it still is present.

I can not lie, but despite all the side effects I had to deal with and the effects I still deal with now, I can say that taking Accutane was 100% worth it. My skin has drastically and dramatically improved. I no longer get pimples. If I do it is rare and they are not swollen and red like they used to be. A small pimple basically appears on my skin rarely and when it does it shrinks automatically and leaves. I know that I am truly blessed as well because many others had to quit this medication because of the bad effects it caused them. For some it caused extreme damage to their livers or kidneys and for some it has caused dramatic side effects. I am lucky and fortunate to be fine. Over more time, I know the effects I currently am feeling will subside considering I finished the medication only a year ago. So, thank you Accutane. My confidence has improved and my face is clear. I no longer have to take time out of my day to apply acne cream that does not work. I no longer have to suffer from verbal abuse and bulling because of it. I no longer have to look at my face in the mirror and not like what I saw. So, thank you Accutane.