Time is our most sacred resource. As the haunting ticks of our clocks mark the endless march towards our graves, it's important to remember that every second counts. Sure - you could waste the precious moments of you life using complete sentences and punctuate properly. You could throw your life away, taking lazy strolls and spelling out full words without a care in the world.
Personally, I won't stand for it. I brush my teeth for a maximum of 10 seconds. I've never had a conversation longer than two minutes. I refuse to wash my hands after using the bathroom.
With this article, I'm passing on that philosophy - that life is best lived in the fast line - with the list of acronyms that every upstanding citizen ought to know. Today, I give you the most valuable gift of all: time.
1. LOL - 'Laughing Out Loud'
Hilarious! When your friends text you an absolute slammer of a joke be sure to respond 'LOL' to let them know that you just couldn't stop giggling.
2. BRB - 'Bringing Ribs Back'
If you're stepping out of the house for just a few moments, text your roommate 'BRB' to let him know that you'll be back shortly with a full rack of BBQ-lathered ribs.
3. WYD - 'What're Your Dimensions?'
We've all received this one from a flirty friend after one too many drinks. 'WYD' is the fastest way to ask for someone's exact height, length, width, and total volume measured in cubic centimeters. Cut to the chase with this abbreviation!
4. LMAO - 'Licking My Arse Out'
There are some Saturdays where your friends are gearing up to hit the town but you're feeling lazier than a sack of potatoes. If you're in the mood to lounge at home and lick your rectum instead, shoot your friends this quick 'abbrev' to let them know your evening plans.
5. HEY - 'Help, Everyone's Yellow'
A rare one - this text lingo is best reserved for instances where you find yourself completed surrounded by pale, yellow freaks who encircle you while chanting your name. With no time to dial 911, send this quick message to let everyone know what's going on. They'll be over in a jiffy!
6. ROFLSMP - 'Rolling On the Floor Laughing and Shitting My Pants'
The proverbial older brother to LOL, ROFLSMP is the perfect response to a meme that's so funny you can't help but find yourself giggling to high heaven, as well as involuntarily defecating in your britches.
7. YO - 'You're Oliver'
We all have an Oliver in our lives. Unfortunately, they usually can't remember who they are. Send this helpful reminder to them a few times per day to keep them on track.
8. WHAT'S UP - 'Whomever Hears All Things Shall Understand Pity'
Remember this one from church? Originally hailing from the Book of Exodous, WHAT'S UP is the fastest way to remind your amigos that our all-seeing God has love and empathy for every living creature.
9. ILYSM - 'I Lick You So Much'
Is it getting hot in here or is it just me? Send this to that special someone in your life - or just a casual co-intercourser - to remind them that your curious tongue is coming home to roost soon enough.
10. TTYL - 'Touching Turtles You Like'
It's a fact: some relationships turn sour. If you're harboring a major grudge against an ex-friend and choose to go fondle their favorite shelled reptiles, text them this taunting reminder to drive them bananas.
11. MWMWMW - 'Mark Wahlberg Makes Waffles Marvelously Well'
Perhaps the most common abbreviation of all, 'MWMWMW' is not only true - it's the perfect conversation starter and ender!
12. JK - 'Jaundice Kills'
Texting isn't all fun and games. Sometimes your pals need a somber reminder that jaundice is out there, lurking, and one day it will come for us all.
13. IMHO - 'In My Hesitant Orifices'
When you're equal parts curious, anxious, and determined, then you're in the sweet spot to tempt your hesitant orifices. Gather a few household supplies and let you friends quickly know that you'll be AWOL for a few hours.
14. IRL - 'Interestingly Russian Legs'
Break some tough news the gentle way: "I love those jean shorts on you... but I have to admit you're working with some IRL."
15. GTFO - 'Get That Frenchman Out'
Woah! I'm an inclusive guy but when some stinky Frenchman just won't leave you be, you might need to call in some reinforcements to send that escargo-eatin' cretin back the way he came!
