Tetris is one of the most historically significant video games to ever exist. It is also one of the most addictive and engaging games to play, even today. Many developers have taken a stab at changing the formula up a bit. The next: Hollywood.
Yes, the fantabulous people of Hollywood will be producing a film based on the simple puzzle game about arranging blocks. The film will be created by American filmmaker Larry Kasanoff and media investor Bruno Wu on a budget of $80 million.
One could easily begin making outbursts on the lack of creativity in the film industry, citing how so many movies have to be based on some other source material. Don’t let the official announcement of a movie based on Tetris force a thought like that in your head. If you look back on the history of cinema, many of “the classics” are based on other material, like “Jaws” and “Harry Potter.” Movies allow people to enjoy the stories of theater and literature.
Unlike its seemingly sophisticated brothers of entertainment, video games have had a huge struggle in making successful transitions to the big screen. This year’s recent films, “Ratchet & Clank,” “Warcraft,” and “The Angry Birds Movie” have proven, yet again, that video games may not be right for film adaptations.
An announcement like a movie for Tetris isn’t exactly what will be bringing in the big bucks either. Just from the concept, genre, and filmmaker, I can easily predict that this film will most likely go down as one of the biggest flops in cinema history, probably worse than “The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure” from 2012.
What’s that? You don’t know what movie I’m talking about? Exactly.
Going back to the Tetris movie, Kasanoff has decided to pull a James Cameron and suggests that the film might be the first of a trilogy. That’s right, a trilogy…of Teetris movies. Obviously, Kasanoff feels that this might be the next “Star Wars” or “Back to the Future,” almost as much as how he feels that Tetris will perfectly take the form of a science fiction thriller.
No offense to the man, but Kasanoff does not have a good reputation in film. Where Uwe Boll screwed up with the “Bloodrayne” movie, Kasanoff did equally worse with the “Mortal Kombat” films from the 90’s. Dare I mention he recently brought into the world one of the worst animated films of all time?
A film based on a game of building blocks is not going to work. Check out the last movie that brought old arcade games to the big screen, “Pixels.” Nothing in that movie did justice to its source material. It relied heavily on the same old “Sandler humor” and used the typical “Video games invade Earth” plot done in numerous cartoons. I can see how games like “Assassin’s Creed” are getting movie deals, but not…Tetris.
I get that the film industry is desperately trying to get into the video game trend that’s increasingly popular these days, but unless we get people who respect their source material, it’s not going to work. The only movie based on a game that has been a commercial success was “The Angry Birds Movie,” knocking off even “Captain America: Civil War” from the top of the box office. I can only imagine what the box office numbers will be for the “Five Nights at Freddy’s” movie (planned to hit theaters this Halloween).
Because of the concept and source material, I cannot have any amount of faith in this project. Not only is it absurd in theory, but the director behind the project has a horrible track record in results. This film is going to be a mistake. I am so confident in the failure of this film that if this film ever so much as reaches past 60 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, I will down a jar of pickle juice and pour a bucket of ice over myself.
Prove me wrong, Kasanoff. I challenge you. Make 60 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. I will review it and attach a video of me downing the nastiest pickle juice I can find and pouring a jug of ice cold water over myself.
