The semester is quickly coming to end as we hit the final two week mark. Finals are slowly starting to pop up here and there, and the library will soon be filled with empty coffee cups and sleeping students. However, there is a select bunch that look a little too zombie-like: the senior class. Here are ten ways to spot these creatures of the night and early morning hours.
2. Pale Skin
They haven't seen the sun since Spring Break, if they even got a chance to relax then. The sun burns the poor creatures as they can no longer see their screens outside that provide them with a minute-by-minute schedule of their lives up until May 7th. Do not under any circumstance comment about how they have to go to the beach. "You are in Florida for Christ's sake" is not a legitimate argument when you have three 10+ pages papers due in seven days.
3. Bloodshot Eyes
You cannot tell if this is from the long hour staring at the computer screen or crying or just sleep deprivation. If seen, run. Do not ask how their day is going. Do not ask if they are alright. Run away and never look back. Exception: If this person is your friend then simply buy them their favorite caffeinated drink and a cookie, slide these objects over to them, and then run away.
4. Same Clothes
Yes, they are wearing the same pants and t-shirt from Mondays class, and yes it is Wednesday. No, you do not need to point this detail out to them. They probably haven't seen their room yet this week as they have been crashing in the 24-hour room in the library for the past three days. Stop staring, don't Yak about it, move on with the final exam review that you have been putting off.
5. Papers
Papers will magically appear from every pocket they have access too. Their backpacks, jeans, purses, folders, laptop cases, or phone slots; you name it, and it will probably have a folded up piece of paper in there. These papers are part of their senior research, or final essays for other classes, or even job applications. Once taken out, the papers will form a protective barrier around the senior and the rest of the world. DO NOT BREAK THE PAPER CIRCLE! Bad things happen when you mess with a seniors organizational skills.
6. Grunts
Grunts will be the main form of communication for a few reasons. The main one being, they really do not have anything to say to you. They aren't focused on the conversation they are having, they are focused on the five other things that they still have to do before they can leave this university. The next reason being is that they are holding back sarcastic comments. Yes, underclassmen, I know you have a hard time right now with all the work you have to do, but seniors need the exact number of credits to graduate that they are taking right now.
If they do not pass they just wasted over $100 and became the embarrassment of their family. So no, they do not find your five-page paper "daunting" nor will they have empathy for you. The final reason for this main form of communication is because their brains have turned into putty, and unless they can type it, they have lost all verbal vocabulary unless in a class the requires them to talk.
7. Coffee Stains
EVERYTHING WILL HAVE COFFEE STAINS ON IT. This will range from small coffee cups rings on the corners of papers, to whole pages of notes being turned brown after coffee has been knocked over. Do not mention the stains. Do get them another cup of coffee.
8. Pillows/Blankets
Seniors are smart. They have been doing exams at this university for a couple semesters at least, so they have found the quietest places in the library or in the entire university (hint: Flagler lounge after 6pm on weeknights is fantastic!). With this knowledge in hand, they will also not leave their quiet spaces, so they come prepared with pillows to make the chair comfier, or a blanket for when it get a little cold. Or if by some miracle they actually get all their work done, they can take a name right on the spot and not worry about it getting loud.
9. Storage Palace
For some reason or another no one listens to the housing email about getting packed early. However, seniors who have a whole half a week extra on campus have already packed half of their stuff already. Over the past four years they have downsized their entire “freshmen year necessities” that loaded a mini-van to “actual necessities” that take up two suitcases and a trunk or two. Because of this, when you enter their room, do not be afraid of the boxes and trash bags you will see, or perhaps even a desk made out of boxes like the one in the photo above. Kindly walk down the path they have given you and just go with it.
10. Masks
THE PRESSER PLAGUE IS A REAL THING! Do not the doubt the posts of such things from the Yik Yak or Facebook. Masks and medicine bottles will be on hand. If you are ill, stay at least arms distance away from these poor seniors as well as others. Why should everyone get sick because you got sick? Please, seniors are already stressed and sleep deprived enough without hacking up a lung. Do not add to their misery.
Now that you know what to be looking for, please be on the lookout for some of these amazing creatures, because hopefully they will not be here in the fall. They do have words of wisdom, as long as you approach them at the right moments and with bribes.
Good luck, Class of 2016…. You’ll need all that you can get.
