I've been a server for a while now and I've heard it all. I've been berated for forgetting a customer's lemon. I've had fingers snapped and hands clapped at me. I've had nasty reviews written about me and it hurt at first, but now, I don't care. I'm your server and I try to make your visit to the restaurant that I am employed at as enjoyable as possible, but I can't do it all. So if you have never been a server and often have complaints at a restaurant, this list is for you.
1. You asked for an item on the menu that we no longer have and threw a fit.
While I would like to throw my middle finger in your face and tell you to leave, I don't. I remain calm, but what I would like to tell you is this; I know you haven't been here recently because this hasn't been available in a while and although you may know the owner and have been coming to "this establishment" for quite some time, they're not going to take a drive to Big Y because you were never told no as a child and are apparently incapable of picking another menu item.
2. The one who says "Don't worry we'll take care of you" and does not take care of you.
Your party of seven ran me around for an hour and a half and while I would like to believe that you would have tipped me more than 10 percent had you not been completely annihilated off of your long island iced teas, you and I both know that no matter what I did, I was not going to be tipped accordingly.
3. The person who snaps their fingers or claps their hands to get my attention.
I hate you. You need to know that while I am smiling, I'm also imagining slapping you across your face. Snapping and clapping at me is rude. For those of you who do it, please stop. You look like an ass and your server is not going to be happy with you.
4. The ones who physically grab you to get your attention.
Don't. Just don't.
5. The ones who act like everything is fine until they get the bill.
You act like we're old pals and say what a good server I am, but once that bill comes you make some excuse as to why you won't tip me. "Oh the food wasn't that good", well you ate all of it and when I asked you six times, you said it was fine. "I didn't realize it would be this expensive, ha-ha." Oh, you didn't see the prices next to everything on the menu? I call bull.
6. The people who clearly are trying to get something for free.
Recently a fellow server of mine had a table in which there was supposedly a hair. They claimed that it was in their food and they didn't see it until right away. Well madam, that hair is absolutely clean despite the fact that it was "in" an alfredo sauce and it was right on the side of your plate. Not to mention that that hair couldn't have belonged to anyone on the staff. Hmm... If you wanna get food for free play Monopoly at McDonalds. You can win some awesome prizes.
7. The one who asks "How much do you think you deserve for a tip?
Well, Bernard, due to the lack of your social etiquette, just give me your wallet and we'll call it even.
8. The family of six who walks in four minutes before we close, and stays for an hour and a half.
I get that little Timmy had T-ball and hit a home run, but I don't care, my feet hurt and I want to go home. Not only are you keeping me late, but the kitchen staff as well.
9. The people who are sweet as pie but felt that a verbal tip was more meaningful than a monetary tip.
Susan, Barbara, after waiting on you for two hours now, drink after drink, I feel that I can tell you that I hope to never see you again.
10. The people who tip way too much.
Just kidding, give me all of your money.
Look, when you go out to eat, it's supposed to be a fun experience, but there are people who are providing that experience for you and who should be compensated fairly. I'm not saying that every server will exceed your expectations, but we do bust our rumps so you can have a pleasurable experience. I've had amazing customers who I adore and regulars who are like family and I would like to say thank you to them and the customers who don't expect me to turn their water into wine. Remember to tip your waiters folks (preferably 20 percent).
