As we all know, 2016 will be the year that our world as we know it comes to an end. We've all seen the signs. The recent outbreaks of disease caused by our beloved Chipotle, the death of the McDonald's dollar menu, and last but not least the horror that is little girls crying over Donald Trump in the backseat of their mothers car. The only common link that can connect these three unexplainable phenomenon is clear. A zombie apocalypse is coming our way.
Pack your bags ladies and gents because after a short survey of 100 college students, these are the top ten trending items that people would choose to bring over anything else in their moment of crisis.
1. Water
A clear choice, but perhaps not the most creative. In the wake of flesh eating zombies all you need is a little H2O to open up those pores and exfoliate your wounds.
2. Ninja Sword
The experienced zombie hunter necessity. The ninja sword cuts right to the point with nothing but pure unadulterated zombie murder. Could also be used to chop fruit if desired.
3. Guns
Is there any explanation necessary?
4. First Aid Kit
Bandaids might not fix bullet holes but they can put a dent in a zombie bite. I'm willing to bet that even zombies love a good Hello Kitty bandaid.
5. A Dog
A man's best friend and a zombies worst enemy.
6. Swiss Army Knife
With 141 functions there are 141 ways to get a zombie off your tail.
7. Alcohol
No matter what situation you find yourself in, getting lit is always the answer.
Devouring brains? Debatable. Chapped lips? Absolutely not. Keeping your lips fresh is essential when fleeing the undead.
Everyone has that one blanket that just makes them feel so at home.
Just like cockroaches and Madonna, they are one of the few things that could survive a nuclear detonation, so a zombie attack has nothing on them.
Honorable Mentions
1. Porn
Because even zombies get lonely.
Yo momma's so fat that she ate brains before the apocalypse just because she was hungry.
3. Insulin
Shoutout to all the diabetics out there. Nick Jonas I still love you!
If you find yourself down in dumps after looking at hideous zombies all day, you can take a look at your UCard and remember that you are hideous too.
And there you have it! With a high probability of zombies coming our way in the near future we recommend gathering these supplies as soon as possible.
A special shoutout to the residents of Patterson Hall @ UMass Amherst who were surveyed for this article and another shoutout to Justine O'Brien, the woman i would want by my side in any apocalypse.
