Lately, I have realized I have a lot of trust issues.

It is so hard for me to trust people and I am being told there are only two possible explanations: harm from my past or fear of my future.

Either way, my trust issues are my fault. No matter how many times someone gives me a reason to not trust them, it will still be my fault. While I am willing to accept that some of my trust issues are my own, I refuse to accept that I am just "overthinking" or that I just need to "stop."

I will no longer be condemned for not trusting. Everyone says, "trust is earned," but when I want someone to earn my trust, I am condemned. Trust is a virtue and it should be earned.

I already find it very hard to even trust in myself, my own ideas, or my own beliefs. I constantly doubt myself and I never wanted to accept that I need someone to believe in me, but I do; at least until I can believe in myself.

I had waited for my parents to give me independence and trust that I am adult enough to make decisions, but now I am seeing that it is so hard to trust in my own decisions. I am the one who has to live my life, but I don't feel so confident that I can have my entire fate in my own hands.

So, if I struggle to trust in myself and I fight personal battles daily to believe in myself, why am I looked down upon when I don't trust everyone around me about everything?

I have started way overthinking this and it made me start to wonder if this is a "me" issue or a "female" issue. Whether or not they see it, men tend to see women as fragile and emotional. It made me think about Tristan's cheating scandal and how the public treated Khloe Kardashian. He cheated, and everyone felt so bad for Khloe. But when she got back together with him, everyone supported her. She decided to trust him again and he, of course, cheated again.

Then there are times where I blindly trust people and someone else puts doubts in my head. "Are you sure you can trust him?" "Are you sure that is the right choice?" This is the worst thing for someone with trust issues to face.

I feel like I was an idiot for trusting them. I get so mad at myself because I trusted someone and now I feel wrong for doing so. It makes me think, if they don't trust this why do I or why should I?

Yes, I have trust issues. But that does not mean I don't trust anyone and that I will never trust anyone.

I have plenty of people I trust with my life, but sometimes I struggle to trust people on small things. When my little sister started driving, I trusted she was a good driver but it terrified me that someone would run into her.

I am also very open about my trust issues. If someone is important to me, I will ask them to show me how to trust them. I have gotten my hopes up many times and most of the times, I was let down. That is just life. People will fail you, which is easier for me to say then it is for me to believe.

The most heart-breaking thing for me to get over is when someone promises me something and then doesn't keep their word. I have dealt with this all of my life and now I see how it is affecting my ability to trust people who I have no reason to doubt.

But, I will learn to trust people. Just as I have learned to love myself more and allow myself to be vulnerable, I will allow myself to trust whether I end up disappointed or not. Because I know I struggle with this, but I will not give up.

I will continue to work on myself. I might not ever be perfect. I like having trust issues because it keeps me on edge and can be helpful, but it can harm relationships which is something I want to avoid.

Just as I trust in the Lord, I will ask Him to show me how to trust others.