Your BFF, your partner in crime, the Monica to your Rachel. If we're lucky enough we all have that one friend who is there for us through everything. Our best moments, our worst moments and of course our most embarrassing -- even if they are only there to record them for Snapchat. Maybe your best friend is someone you've known for your entire life, or if you're like me, she's the first friend you made at college who just happened to turn into the greatest friend you've ever had.
A best friend is someone who shares all your secrets, knows your likes and dislikes, and always has your back. Most importantly, your best friend is the one who is there to stalk a boy with you at any given moment. Having a best friend and simultaneously having a crush are not two separate acts, but rather are a conjoined experience. You live vicariously through each other while watching "Clueless" and planning out your future wedding to aforementioned boy (who may or may not even know you exist) Regardless, telling your BFF about your new crush is an act so sacred that there's an exact science behind it. I present to you the stages of telling your best friend about your new crush, as told by no other than Monica and Rachel themselves.
1. You sit her down and say that you have something really important to tell her.
She starts mentally preparing herself for you to tell her a series of tragic events.
2. Once she calms down (or passes out from lack of breathing) you decide to just jump right in and tell her – you’re interested in a new boy.
Of course, she’s completely shocked because she didn’t know you had an interest in anything other than binge-watching Netflix.
3. Before she even asks what his name is you pulled up his Facebook, Instagram, Social Security number, and his mother’s high school boyfriend’s LinkedIn profile.
Let the stalking commence.
4. Then, the unthinkable happens. You like his family Christmas picture circa 2010.
Abort mission. I repeat, abort mission.
5. You unlike the picture and brainstorm 100 lies to tell him if he were to ever ask why you liked the picture (your Instagram totally just glitched out, duh).
6. Cha-CHING.
You just hit the jackpot, a.k.a. you stumbled across a picture he tagged his most recent ex girlfriend in. This opens up a whole new line of stalking and before you know it you’re knee deep in her oldest Facebook album entitled “SEN13RS - Young Wild and Free”. After you mock her, her prom date and her goofy brother trying to photobomb all the pictures, you begin to reevaluate your lives.
7. But your feeling of guilt lasts no longer than the time it takes to pull up your camera roll displaying 500 screenshots from every conversation you have ever had with said crush.
8. While your BFF looks up the phone number to the nearest psych ward you convince yourself that your stalking is all with good intent.
9. Your phone vibrates, it's a text message. JK, it's your mom telling you that your room is a mess again. If she thinks that's a mess has she even seen your life?
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10. Wait -- there's a second message -- it's him.
11. And it was just him asking you if the girl in your latest Snapchat story was single.
And if so, could he have her number.
12. Your BFF is furious.
She immediately takes out her iPhone to tweet the most clever dig that she can think of in 140 characters or less.
13. You consider telling him off but then you remember you actually don't even care because who needs a boy when you have the best friend in the entire world?
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14. Just another boy in subtweet history.
You block his number and go back to thinking about the true love of your life - your BFF.
