When I was 12 years old I had my first boyfriend. Of course, when you're 12 it doesn't really count as a relationship but you don't know that until you're older but the heartache is still very real. One day I got a text from my best friend at the time with a picture of my boyfriend kissing one of my other friends. I was so angry and hurt that I immediately called him and broke up with him.

That should've been my first lesson in never trusting men but it always takes a while for me to learn. In the last year of middle school and into my freshman year of high school, I got my second boyfriend. I thought he was the cutest guy in class even though all my friends disagreed but I didn't care because he always made me laugh. We dated on and off with all the drama of a telenovela. He was constantly breaking up with me for bigger and prettier blondes. The last time I took him back was the start of a downward spiral of bad choices and a very bad break up. While we were dating sadly his mother passed away, he left the state to attend her funeral and while he was there he called me crying saying he was so sorry, I didn't understand why on earth he would be sorry during a time like this. Right then I got a message from a girl saying she was sorry and she didn't know he had a girlfriend, I asked him what happened and he told me he slept with another girl that he didn't mean to he was just lonely. My dumbass forgave him because his mom just died. I bet you can tell that I shouldn't have, he comes back home we work through it and 2 months later for his birthday, I was going to surprise him with a video game he'd really been wanting. When I got to his house the door was open so I went up to his room without knocking. When I got up the stairs to his room I heard her, the blond he'd left me for so many times before when I opened the door there they were naked and cuddling in bed, so like the crazy Italian my mother taught me to be, I threw his game and then his office chair at them both and left.

Now it's high school so bad choices all around. Shortly after that at the end of my freshman year, the most popular guy in school for some reason was interested in me and I was so excited and happy that someone like him thought I was cute. We dated for about 2 months, my parents liked him and we always did fun stuff together. I told him that I was ready to go farther and the next time we hung out that's exactly what we did. It was short-lived and not very memorable but that was that. The next day he didn't text me, and the next, and the next. I was confused so at school I confronted him and there he was sitting at lunch with his new girlfriend acting like he had no idea who I was.

I swore off boys completely, for a few months. When my sophomore year began I was determined to be focused on school and getting a good resume for college ready so I took up the position of Teacher's Assistant for a class everyone called the drop out-group. It was a classroom that was open during off-periods for troublesome students to go and do their work. Now you'd think that would be the worst place to find a boyfriend and you would be 100% correct. But again naive little me didn't know better. Thankfully this one didn't cheat on me but I learned a more valuable lesson on how to survive abuse in a relationship.

After him, I didn't date for a while. I needed time to heal and move on. I ended up moving to a different school for my last two years and met an amazing guy. He was a year ahead of me but that didn't bother either of us. I ended up getting pregnant and he proposed in front of the whole school at his last pep rally which at that time that was the epitome of romance. A few months later he left for college and shortly after I had a miscarriage. We had planned on me coming to the same university as him so we could raise the baby together so I went to visit him and see the campus on our two year anniversary. I snuck into his dorm and waited to surprise him when he got home from classes. About an hour of waiting and the door started to open I jumped up I was so excited but then I noticed her. They were holding hands and he had a smudge of lipstick on his lips. Without saying anything I walked out of the room and started the 6-hour drive back home. He called me a few times and I finally gave in and answered I asked him one question, why? His response still haunts me and is always in the back of my mind.

" I need a real woman, I mean you can't even have a baby. What kind of life with you would that be?"

I gave up that was it I went to college and kept my head down. Everything was fine until I started working at a student call center for my college then I met him. He was my supervisor, wanted to join the marines, strong, loved Shakespeare, and was a die-hard romantic. After asking me out 5 times I gave in and he picked me up with flowers and took me to a sushi restaurant, my favorite. We made it official and a few months later we went to work together for the Halloween party while I was taking pictures on his phone of my cute kitty costume I noticed some pics in his gallery. They were screenshots from Snapchat of a girl. Some were nude some were kissy faces but all of them said "can't wait to see you again" or "I had such a good time!" I gave him his phone back said we were done and went back to my dorm. He begged and begged, pleaded that they were old and that he'll delete them right away. I believed him, forgave him and we moved on. After all, there was no proof on when he saved them and we'd only been dating for a few months so who knew. I ended up moving into his apartment during the summer so I didn't have to worry about losing my job and moving all my stuff around. He was 22 and I was 19 at the time so he loved to go out and party with his friends which was fine with me. One night he was out and 1 am rolled around and I started to get worried tried calling him and he didn't answer. 3 am nothing. 5 am nothing. 6 am rolls around and he finally walks through the door I immediately jump on him asking where he'd been I was worried. He told me he got really drunk and went with his friend to his new place and sobered up. Well by now I was a very suspicious person so I looked at his uber. Well, he nowhere near his friend's house he was actually picked up at an apartment complex. I asked him about it and he said he went to a girls apartment but nothing happened and when she tried to do something with him he got up and left. Whether that was the truth or not I'll never know but I ended it with him. In my mind, you don't go over to a girls' house or have a girl over alone without telling your girlfriend about it ever unless something is going on that you want to hide!

So done again with men I finally get into my own apartment and just start messing around living my best life. Well some guy messages me on Tinder for the 11th time and I give in, he picks me up we Netflix and chill if you know what I mean. After I start getting dressed getting ready to leave like every other time and he asks me to stay. Huge surprise by the way. I find out that he's 27 and in the army. After he drops me off at home he asks if he can see me again that night after he gets off of work I say yes and ever since that night we were inseparable. We got a house together and moved in it was amazing. Or so I thought, closing in on the two-year mark we start having issues. Which every relationship does, we moved really fast and didn't really know each other all that well so of course there would be some issues. I ended up going on a family vacation and I thought it'd be a perfect time away we would need. Well when I got back I found messages from a female work colleague that said "next time I come over you can show me the bedroom". That was it I was done I'd been through too much to have the one man I truly loved and trusted betray me, shortly after I left him and went back home.

No matter how hard I tried how many people I saw I couldn't get him out of my head. And when he came to visit me for my dad's wedding he told me he felt the same way. He couldn't get me out of his head he wanted me back home. He loved me and fucked up. I said fuck it and moved back in with him. Now you may be thinking what is wrong with you girl. But! In all honesty, these last 6 months have been the happiest we've ever been. We talk more, we love harder, we trust deeper. We are good. I still have my moments of doubts and the pain comes creeping back but he's learned how to help and comfort me. So maybe second chances given to the right people is a good thing. I guess we'll find out. It'll be three years of us being together in 3 months and were going strong. Maybe he's the one, maybe he's a really good manipulator. All I know is he loves me and I love him and finally, after all this shit I found a man I can say, wholeheartedly, I trust him.