After going through a bad relationship during my freshman year of college, I went away to a shore town for the summer. I needed an escape from the reminder of the school year that had just passed. Not only was I recovering from that, but I was recovering of just the plain old stress associated with college. Little did I know, I was going to fall for a local guy down there, which only turned my world upside down.
We actually didn't meet in person, which makes it all the more weird. We talked through text and Snapchat for a solid month, and it was so much different compared to any other simple crush or guy I started talking to. He was so similar to me in personality and background-wise it was almost uncanny at first. I had never met someone so like me. Any other guy I had feelings for was almost the polar opposite of me, so maybe this could be a good thing. A little change of pace.
When we first met, it was pretty great. It was better than I ever thought possible.We clicked so well, I felt. Maybe that's when I really knew I was falling for him pretty hard. From the first kiss, I was hooked.
That night had to be the highlight of my summer, a night I thought about constantly. We didn't see each other again at all through the whole summer (after many failed attempts to get together) given our busy times, but we talked almost every day. Just seeing his name on my screen when I first woke up was enough to brighten my day.
I never had someone make me so instantly happy after just a few texts a day. Just a simple "how are you?" was more than enough for me.
Not seeing him was pretty hard, but we made it work in our own way, I guess. However, it made me have a lot of doubts in his feelings toward me. He was the more guarded out of the two of us, especially when it came to his feelings. I didn't want to out right ask him what's up, in fear that would be too forward too fast. It was pretty confusing. I could tell that he cared in the little things he did . . . but how much and in what way was still a mystery. It drove me a little nuts through out the summer.
As the summer neared a close, it came time for me to leave, and it was time to get serious about things. I avoided thinking about this moment, dreaded it, the whole summer. There was a strong chance that he'd never want to talk to me again, since I lived an hour and a half away from him.
Would it all have been for nothing? Was all the effort I put into worth it? Would I be starting off the school year in the same state I left it in? Is there a chance he'd want to be in an actual relationship?
These questions and so many more rampaged through my mind.
We decided to be sure we saw each other before I left. When we saw each other we instantly started talking about anything and everything that didn't have to do with the elephant in the room (us) and walked around for hours. As it got later, we stood outside of his car and kept talking and joking around, not wanting the night to end.
Out of no where, he randomly grabbed and kissed me, making me see stars from the intensity and urgency. We stood there smiling at each other, and the subject turned to more serious matters.
In those moments, for once, he opened up to me about his feelings toward me. The way he talked . . . the words he said . . . the way he'd casually kiss me and hold my hands made me lose it. I have never felt more assured in my life.
We stood there and held each other (probably in front of an audience). He whispered apologies and regrets of not making more time for me this summer, how he wished we had more time. Naturally, the tears came and he pulled back to have me look at him.
He promised we would still talk and how he's always be here for me, no matter the distance, even though he wasn't fully ready for a relationship at this point in his life (and neither was I). He made me feel so sure right in that very moment.
With a kiss to my forehead, we got in his car so he could drive me the half of a block back to my house. We pulled up outside and sat there for a while as I refused to leave just yet. He held my hands and kissed me one last time.
When I got out he called to me, "Hey!" I turned and looked at him, with one hand on the top of the open door, leaning down to see him with the most serious face. "This isn't goodbye," he said firmly. "This is a see you later."
I smiled at him and nodded. He waited until I got inside, and I watched him drive away as my heart shattered as much as it could for not being in love with the guy. I was leaving finally knowing the truth, and I wasn't sure if I would have rathered him cut all ties with me. At least then I could get over him. Now, I'm not so sure how easy that could be.
I feel like it hurt more knowing the truth, especially since I probably won't see him again for some time.
I knew what I was getting myself into before this started, but I had no intentions of starting to fall for him. I knew the chances of ending up like Danny and Sandy from Grease were slim to none.
But, hey, only time will tell with these kinds of things. Maybe we could make it work in the future, when we're both ready. I'm still young, but a few month could feel like a lifetime. Its only been a few days, and it already feels like a lifetime.
If I could do anything about this summer with him over, I'd have to say to prepare for the inevitable. It didn't seem like reality when we were close by. Now, here comes reality smacking me in the face yet again. That final night didn't turn out how I thought. I swore he would never want to talk to me again. It was a bigger shock to do the exact opposite.
I'll never regret the time I spent with him, though. He brought me out of the hole I was hiding in and made me happy again.
Maybe nothing will happen between us. Maybe we'll stay friends. Maybe we'll drift apart. It's time to play the waiting game. Who will win?
"Summer dreams, ripped at the seams. But, oh, those summer nights." ~ Grease
