Appreciate any sleep you still get because, unfortunately, it won't last. Sleep is one of the biggest myths about college thanks to everything we have to fit into our schedules. It seems kind of fitting that I'm writing this late at night, don't you think? I wish you good luck because here is the general process you should be prepared for during these long, stressful evenings that you will come to get used to.
Welcome to living in a permanent state of shambles.
1. You FINALLY get home for the evening.
Sometimes you just need to casually fall on the floor and lie there for a few minutes doing absolutely nothing.
2. Your friends are going out, but you have all of the things to do.
First of all, how do they have nothing to work on? Secondly... no seriously, how do they have nothing to work on?
3. You should come prepared with all of the essential snacks.
Goldfish, white cheddar popcorn, Pop-Tarts and sour gummy worms are all solid options. Those are basically my four main food groups at this point, and they’re clearly supplemented with coffee.
4. Fire alarm: "Who burnt their popcorn, again?"
For the love of all that is this buttery goodness, please don't be that person; it's not hard. I’ve attached instructions here for your convenience.
5. Trying to get all of your group members in the same place at the same time for a project
At least this person showed up, though, unlike some other group members.
6. Professor: "I'm sorry for emailing this late at night..."
Ah, yes. Please, change the requirements for an assignment I already have done and is due in the morning because I definitely don't have five other classes to worry about, too.
7. “Just one final piece, and this project will be done.”
Well. That didn’t go as planned.
8. When you realize the extent of what you have done…
It's time to go make another coffee because things are about to get real.
9. ...and that there’s little you can personally do to fix it at this point.
This project needs a straight-up miracle at this point.
10. "How many coffees have you had today?"
Shhhh... Nobody needs to know. Just let me be a little ball of stress surrounded by blankets and give me hugs.
11. Trying to beat the 11:59 p.m. deadline
Every college student understands the importance of 11:59 p.m.
12. "It's so late. I can't believe it's already midnight."
It's only that late? That's like the middle of the afternoon.
13. Trying to do homework on a topic you haven't even learned yet
If you're lucky, one of your friends has already taken the class.
14. You learn to celebrate all victories, no matter how small.
You finally wrote your one-paragraph response that you’ve had a month to do? Give yourself a pat on the back — you deserve it.
15. You start eating entire pints of ice cream without thinking twice.
Ice cream isn’t the question; ice cream is the answer.
16. Sometimes you need to take a quick break and go lie on a friend's floor.
It's 2:30 a.m. and the floor has never seemed comfier.
17. Speaking of 2:30 a.m…
This may not seem funny now, but let’s talk again when you’re sleep deprived, on a fourth coffee, and it’s even 2:30 a.m. when you’re reading this.
18. You might accidentally fall asleep while working.
The next thing you know, it's suddenly a squad nap party.
19. Is that an end we see?
Just kidding. It is basically dinner time, though.
20. Google will gladly point out your sleep-deprived typos.
“Did you mean ‘ways to not procrastinate’?” No, Google. I definitely meant to search “wys too not prcrstinate.”
21. It might be 4 a.m., but your jam just came on.
Obviously, you have to jam along. I can’t imagine what would happen if you didn’t. That'd be pretty inside out.
22. You’re so close to sleep but so far away at the same time.
Nope, no time for naps. You can do this.
23. When you see an email from your professor at 4:30 a.m.
They've extended the due date for your paper as they’ve already gotten up for the day, but you haven't even gone to bed yet thanks to trying to finish said paper before class. Really? You couldn’t have done this, oh, I don’t know, earlier?
24. "Your alarm is set for 3 hours and 10 minutes from now."
Congratulations, you'll get approximately 3/8 of a full night of sleep.
Now, I promise you not all of college will suck this much. There are definitely plenty of high-quality moments, but you have to suffer through nights like these to get to the fun times. Power up your Keurig, grab your chargers, snag some blankets, and everything will eventually be OK. For now, enjoy your last moments of high school, and don't waste a moment of freedom this summer.
A caffeine-addicted and sleep-deprived college sophomore