What I Think About When I Talk About Love

What I Think About When I Talk About Love

How does one experience love?
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In my family, love is never in short supply.

Hugs and kisses abound, I see my mother cook food after she gets home from work, regardless of how tired she is. I hear my father’s stories and lectures for the nth time in an attempt for me to learn the lessons of life. I get annoyed when my sister tries to do one thing or another trying to get to do one thing or another.

But this concoction of respect and affection form a home in which everyone is welcome.

There were days when I would isolate myself from my family because I had to do homework during my spare time. Yet, at the end of the day, I knew they would always be by me. That was love—committing to making other people happy and, at the same time, having fun.

In contrast, I have never been in a romantic relationship.

I’ve had many friends in the past; I would get along with them through game, conversations, and banter. In middle school, when some students saw me getting close to a couple of boys, they assumed I “liked them”.

Of course, in this case, “liking them” was different from liking them in a friendly way. “Liking them” meant wanting to fall in love with them. The conversational and emotional warmth became physical. It starts with hand-holding, then proceeds to cuddling and kissing.

This was as far as one would imagine teenage romance back in the eighth grade. While I did enjoy having company with them, it didn’t extend to having a romantic relationship.

Back then, love was being able to spend hours with a person on end, without regret to where the time went. It was always feeling warm and excited when the one you love even passes by.

Yet in this time, as well as now, it was more infatuation. It was seeing the future with them without the trials and tribulations real love had to offer.

Because I’ve never been in a romantic relationship, I don't know what it means to struggle to make time for someone. I don't know what it means to be disloyal to them and to confront the consequences of deceit. I wouldn't know about the little things that didn't show up in movies.

Instead, it’s more like seeing my parents every day when they eat, talk, and watch TV together.

In other words, I have yet to experience the joy and stability which comes with a caring, romantic relationship. And that’s okay.

While several of my classmates have either gotten engaged or married, I’m busy focusing on my life through education and other pursuits. I want to cultivate myself so I would love myself and love somebody else the way my parents and relatives love me.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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The Thank You My Dad Deserves

While our moms are always the heroes, our dads deserve some credit, too.
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Dear Dad,

You’ve gone a really long time without being thanked. I'm not talking about thanks for things like opening the Gatorade bottle I couldn't or checking my tires when my car’s maintenance light is flashing, but rather the thanks I owe you for shaping me into the person I am today.

Thank you for teaching me what I deserve and for not letting me settle for anything less.

While the whole world was telling me I wasn’t good enough, you were there to tell me I was. Whether this was with boys, a friend, or anything else, you always built my confidence to a place I couldn’t build it to on my own. You showed me what my great qualities were and helped me feel unique. But most of all, you never let me settle for anything less than what I deserved, even when I wanted to. Without you, I wouldn’t be nearly as ambitious, outgoing or strong.

Thank you for giving me someone to make proud.

It’s hard to work hard when it’s just for myself, but so easy when it’s for you. All through school, nothing made me happier than getting a good grade back because I knew I got to come home and tell you. With everything I do, you give me a purpose.

SEE ALSO: 20 Things You Say When Calling Your Dad On The Phone

Thank you for showing me what selflessness looks like.

You are the prime example of what putting your family first looks like. If me wanting something means that you can’t get what you want, you’ll always sacrifice. From wearing the same t-shirts you’ve had since I was in elementary school so I could buy the new clothes I wanted, to not going out with your friends so you could come to my shows, you never made a decision without your family at the forefront of your mind. If there is one quality you have that I look up to you for the most, it’s your ability to completely put your needs aside and focus entirely on the wants of others.

Thank you for being the voice in the back of my head that shows me wrong from right.

Even though many of your dad-isms like “always wear a seatbelt” easily get old, whenever I’m in a situation and can’t decide if what I’m doing is right or wrong, I always can hear you in the back of my head pointing me in the right direction. While I may not boost your ego often enough by telling you you’re always right, you are.

Thank you for being real with me when nobody else will.

Being your child hasn’t always been full of happiness and encouragement, but that’s what makes you such an integral part of my life. Rather than sugarcoating things and always telling me I was the perfect child, you called me out when I was wrong. But what separates you from other dads is that instead of just knocking me down, you helped me improve. You helped me figure out my faults and stood by me every step of the way as I worked to fix them.

Most of all, thank you for showing me what a great man looks like.

I know that marriage may seem very far down the road, but I just want you to know that whoever the guy I marry is, I know he’ll be right because I have an amazing guy to compare him to. I know you’re not perfect (nobody is), but you’ve raised me in a such a way that I couldn’t imagine my kids being raised any differently. Finding a guy with your heart, drive, and generosity will be tough, but I know it will be worth it.


Dad, you’re more than just my parent, but my best friend. You’re there for me like nobody else is and I couldn’t imagine being where I am now without you.

Love you forever,

Your little girl

Cover Image Credit: Caity Callan

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3 Reasons To Cut That Bad Friend Off

We all have that one friend who is generally bad for us.

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We all have that one friend who is generally bad for us. It is perfectly okay to think about yourself and do what is right for you. It can be very toxic and unhealthy to constantly be around a bad influence in any kind of way. People always say they want to be financially secure or feeling secure with their significant other, but friendships also need security. Here are three reasons why that may not be the case.

1. They aren't supportive.

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We all have that friend who generally does not care about what you say or do. You gotta be careful with that. Some people will act like they do, but behind closed doors with their other friends they don't. There are so many things to talk about with friends especially problems and issues within each other's personal life. If that person isn't making any attempt to show any kind of sympathy for you, they aren't the friend for you.

True friends are always behind your back in whatever you may be going through. Yes sometimes it can be hard because everyone has their own problems, but if you are willing to give and take it makes a good balance. What I mean by that is, giving each other space to breathe and reflect on things that are happening, then come together and talk about it with one another.

2. Too clingy or needy.

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Another part in having not so good friends is if the person is too close to where they don't give you any space to get yourself together. The person who is clingy may have personal things going on in their life to make them like that and that is okay. But it can become unhealthy if the problems start becoming your problems and it is taking over your life in a negative way. What I mean by that is if that person is acting a certain way towards you and you can't seem to enjoy life as much sometimes to where you actually feel miserable, that is unhealthy. For example, jealousy. There are some friends who are very clingy because they are nosy and very jealous.

They don't take your kind friendship seriously because they are too busy secretly comparing their life to yours. There are some things in life that you can't control or help others with because it has to be handled a certain way. At the same time, you are still going through your own things and it can be draining to try and "fix" someone else when you have a lot on your plate as it is. Sometimes it is best to cut them off if they generally will not leave you alone or they are manipulating you in any kind of way from it. Sometimes doing that gives people a wake-up call of how they take their anger or problems out on others.

3. They talk about you behind your back.

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To make this clear, everyone talks about everyone. There is nothing wrong with that. But there is a difference between generally talking about someone to inform someone about what is going on, expressing frustration and trying to resolve something by asking for advice, compared to actually bad mouthing about someone in a very rude and mean way. If the person is actually saying mean things about you, they aren't the friend for you. If they insult you in any kind of way (race, gender, outer appearance, personality, family or other friends), it is best to stop being friends with them. If they talk about you behind your back and plan anything to try and harm you or someone else, it is best to cut them off and also inform some type of authority.

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