“The wise do not buy into other people’s perceptions of who they are and what they are capable of. Instead, they bypass a person’s public persona and see who they are in their highest expression. When you see actions taken with integrity, instead of words only, you will then know a soul’s worth.”
There's no need for me to start this off by explaining the way social media has taken over such a huge portion of our lifestyle- if you have a smartphone or computer and you exist on planet earth, then I think you've already had time to observe that Facebook, Twitter and the rest of the networks take up more of your time than you'd care to admit. Literally, we spend hours upon hours checking back and forth between these sites for reasons that aren't always there. It was best explained to me by an old college roommate of mine: that social media is like a refrigerator. You know there's no food inside, but you always keep going back to check on it. If that isn't a perfect way of explaining it, I don't know what is.
I'm not here to debate whether these networks are a good or bad thing in their entirety: that all comes down to how they are used. At their core, these are simply tools to connect to to other people when we can't do it in person. However, you and I both well know they have evolved into playing a role that does much more than that, for better or worse. Especially in generation Y, social media has become such a part of out identity that it literally changes the way we approach people on the day to day. Think about this for a second, men: would you rather try to spark a face to face conversation with the girl who has 5,000 followers on Twitter and Instagram, or the girl who barely checks her Facebook every so often? You see that right there? That is absolutely fascinating: that social media has grown to make a difference in our lives to the point that people will see us not based upon who we are in real life, but who we are on Facebook or Twitter. In this world, you're likely to see someone on social media before you see them in real life; and with that comes a level of responsibility that I don't think we as a generation have truly grasped yet.
Here's the deal: people for hundreds of years have been using different tools to mask their appearance. It's hard for me to blame anyone for doing so: makeup isn't a bad thing, right? No, but who wants the girl who covers herself in makeup to the point that she looks like an Oompa Loompa (spell check, Willy Wonka?). The problem, my friends, is that we use social media as our ultimate makeup, and we cover ourselves in it. We only let people see pictures of us that we choose to provide; and sometimes we falsely present ourselves to look like someone we're not (i.e girls who only take photos from an upward angle, or guys who only take pictures with sunglasses on and a t-shirt that's way too tight on the biceps they don't actually have).
We post about subjects that, in real life, we wouldn't give two hoots about, but we do it because we know we can spark conversation or make others assume we are compassionate and educated. We do whatever it takes for those likes or favorites, whether it be exposing more skin, captioning photos with some bullshit quote we copied and pasted, or even waiting until certain times when we know others will be online. (This one I've used for marketing purposes, but it doesn't mean that it hasn't translated to my personal stuff too. I'm as guilty as everyone else). You know what the craziest thing about this is? That we also know that there is no prize for our social media achievement. We know deep down that it makes no difference in this world whether we get 2 likes or 100, whether we have 50 followers or 5,000. Yet we try so damn hard. We all have our reasons, and I won't try to play psychologist and break down how we use social media to compensate for the lack of interaction we get in real life (although I pretty much did just play psychologist, didn't I?). Why is not the question we should ask ourselves when it comes to social media: it's how. How am I using social media at this point in my life? How could I use it for better purposes than the way I do right now? To try and answer these questions, I figured I'd make a list: a checklist of objectives that we can strive for as social media users that might just change the entire way we think about these websites, and more importantly the way we think about each other.
1. How often do I post negative remarks on my profiles?
Whether it's face to face or over the web, nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Nonetheless, I guarantee you that almost half of your news feed or timeline is filled with things you don't want to see: complaints about their day, debates about mindless topics that are often hate-filled from the start, and my personal least favorite: the people who go fishing for compliments by berating themselves for everyone to see. Look, I get it: everyone needs to vent every now and then. But would you vent with hundreds of people in front of you in real life? Then why are you doing it on Twitter!? Keep the negative out of your posts and watch how differently you start to think. Eventually, those negative thoughts will fade away completely when you keep denying them access to your words.
2. What is my reasoning for having social media profiles?
If you created Facebook and Twitter and Instagram so you could pile up your friends and followers, get all the likes and favorites and retweets you ever desired, and feel superior to the rest of the people you are connected with via the internet, then you probably have a really shitty life in reality. Sorry, but there's no other way to say it for these kinds of people. These are the people who recycle generic feel-good tweets just for attention. These are the people who ONLY take profile pictures in low-cut shirts. On top of that, these are the people who never actually take the time to use social media for anything other than themselves. Most of us fail to realize the potential that social media has to enhance the lives of those we are in contact with: we cannot seem to grasp that using words, images and videos is as good a way as any to spread inspiration, motivation and happiness throughout the world. Instead, we only view these websites as a tool for ourselves, like a spoiled brat who won't share the mashed potatoes at the dinner table (the perks of being an only child, I might add). In denying yourself the ability to use your profile to also reach out to other people, you deny others all sorts of moments throughout the course of their lives that really could have made the difference when life dealt them a poor hand. You think it sounds stupid, but a simple Facebook message of encouragement, or a shootout tweet to a struggling friend can be the difference between someone taking their own life or holding on to a higher sense of hope. If you don't believe me, look into the suicide case of Phoebe Prince. The little things matter, my friends.
3. How much do my encounters on social media affect the way I view myself in real life?
This is perhaps as much of a problem as any. Social media at this point in our culture has become so much a part of our identity that we actually base our worth off of how popular we are online. Just examine a couple of friends you know both in real life and online, and take a good look at how confident they are, and how relevant they are on social media. The connection that you find there might just frighten you. Now you need to ask yourself how much all of the "likes" and "mentions" play a part in how you perceive yourself. This is dangerous territory we are stepping into. Dangerous because these are false indicators of our identity: sure you may have 4,500 Facebook friends, but those people don't know you. They don't see who you are on a day to day basis. They don't know about your bad habits or your imperfections. All they see is what you choose to post, and you like it that way because it makes you feel comfortable. I know this is the truth because I do the exact same thing; hell, we all do as the new generation of adults. That in turn has made us question ourselves with every post, every picture, every tweet. If you're tired of this anxiety-filled roller coaster of trying to win the internet's attention, then you've got to give yourself a different perspective on social media. You can't let the day to day meaningless flow of online interaction determine how you feel when you go to sleep at night. That has to come from you, that you know who you are at the end of the day, regardless of if anyone online ever sees that person. Only then can you use social media without it using you.
