When I moved away from Springfield, Massachusetts, it was less than voluntary.

I was a senior in high school when my mom moved a half hour away from my childhood home, and I didn't pack my things until the morning we moved out. I was so beyond upset; I felt like my heart was being torn away from me. My separation from Springfield was directly related to the separation of my parents. In essence, my life completely changed when I was least expecting it to.

I moved again last October, when my dad moved out of his Springfield apartment to a place closer to my college. I was, again, sad, simply because from then on I didn't have a place to call home in Springfield anymore.

I remember going to work from my dad's old apartment through Roosevelt and Sumner Avenue instead of taking the highway, and my dad always asked why I took the long way just to get to work. I even got ready for work 30 minutes before so I could take the route I took.

Today, I only see the streets of Springfield when I'm visiting my friends. I don't work in Springfield anymore, and I don't have any other reason to be there unless I'm seeing people who actually live there. I go back and forth between my parents' house often when I'm home from school. I have noticed that when my dad drives to bring my sisters to my mom's house sometimes, he takes a much shorter way to get there, one that doesn't involve driving through Ludlow to pass through Boston Road and Cooley Street.

I know I consciously drive through Springfield every chance I can get. I feel like I want to keep the memories of my childhood alive, and by taking longer trips, I can still see the major construction projects and the changing infrastructure of my hometown. I've never missed something so much in my life, and just driving by makes me feel a little like I'm not giving up on the struggling city I grew to love and appreciate.

I feel like I take the long way to get places just to have an excuse to be in Springfield. I've never been able to let Springfield be taken out of me, and I want to decide for myself when I'm ready to let go of the place that taught me the dos and don'ts of street smarts and big dreams. Not being in the town where all my friends are gives me the most serious case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) that I feel physically sad and upset when I realize I don't call Springfield "home" anymore.

One day I'll be back. One day I'll be able to live in the place I grew up until I'm ready to move on. I guess I just wasn't ready to leave when I did. I might've taken advantage of my walks to Nathan Bill Park and my days at Central High when I was there, not taking a step back to be grateful for the lessons Springfield taught me. I remember my life in Springfield as being simple; a life that I felt secure and comfortable in. Being away from it might be a good thing, a place for me to look back on as a life that I want to get back to. For now though, all I have are my car rides.