Growing up, I never really understood what a relationship with God meant. I knew God existed from a very young age, because my family was and still is surrounded by pastors and preachers and very involved in the church. I knew he existed, but I didn't really know what he did for us. I knew he created the heavens and the earth. I knew whatever I learned in bible school as a child. I didn't understand the sacrifices. I did not understand that he lived a life of pain and temptation like we all do. I did not closely connect with him until recently and once I got to know him, I had the opportunity to realize that his expectations of me and others (peers, family, etc.) expectations are completely different in hundreds of ways.

Lots of people think that being a Christian means not sinning and basically being the closest definition of perfect that you could be. Not being mean or hateful or making mistakes is a common misconception of Christianity. I think after I was baptized, some people that didn’t really understand my faith thought I was claiming to be perfect.

That is just completely false. God loves us because we are flawed. He loves us even though we are screwed up. Once I admitted I could never be perfect and that I could not handle this life on my own, I started feeling better about my decisions. I started feeling less guilty about the things I was doing because as a Christian, I've learned that striving for perfection will leave me beyond disappointed.

There are some days where I am hardly hanging on. There are also days where I feel like I've got it and that nothing can touch me because God has my back. But there are also many people in this world that can make me feel like I am falling apart if they comment on something I'm doing because I could possibly be doing Christianity "wrong." I have strings of days where I feel Satan constantly attacking me. I can feel him trying to tempt me into a life of hate or dissatisfaction.

Here are some questions I really want to ask the people around me:

1. Why do you assume that sometimes you think you are better or worse than the people God has created alongside you? Why do we compare ourselves to others?

2. Do you think there are people on this earth that God has created that He views as "better" or "worse" when it comes to you compared to your neighbor?

3. Are there sins worse than others?

4. Is there something I could do that could make God mad at me?

5. Is there a sin I can do that he brushes off his shoulder because it might be minuscule?

Think about it.

Here is something I am learning, slowly but surely:

Attempting to be kind to the different kinds of people around you, especially ones you do not agree with or majorly dislike, is not being fake. This is a horrible misconception (not of Christianity, just generally) I have learned throughout the years, and significantly lately. There are going to be thousands of people you meeting your lifetime that you will dislike to the core. Awful, horrible people that you can't imagine even breathing near.

Would you believe me if I told you God put those awfully annoying, terrible people here too? Because he did, and there was a purpose for it. And although you might think that particular person sucks, God loves him or her just as much he loves you. You could be the closest thing to perfect, and he still loves you the same as he does the drug addict, the rapist,or the prostitute.

I am here to tell you that I am the most flawed person that I know. I used to do all that I could to run away from that. Not all of my decisions can be justified. I make mistakes literally every single day. I have now learned to accept the fact that perfection isn't real. But let's be honest, I wish so badly that perfection existed on this earth. Life would be easier, would it not?

Let me clarify, I don't sin because I know God will forgive me. I don't do this or that thinking, "oh, I can repent in the morning."

I don't think sins are intentional at all.

Before I was saved, I did a bunch of stupid things (that's an understatement). I was terrified of ever being vulnerable. I never told people how I really felt and I was never myself. I can guarantee people see what I'm doing with my life now and think about things I used to do and they probably judge me, most likely assuming my faith is fictional. This is okay. I don't mind. I cannot control what you think of me nor will I lose sleep over it. I do not live to please others and you should not either. There will be talk because I think if you used to be one type of person and now you are a different type of person, people simply can't accept that. People are so closed-minded that they can't believe that you could grow. They can't accept your flaws. They can't accept anything you do because they choose not to.

Fortunately, this is what God does. He isn't there to make you feel bad, which is another misconception. I think people are scared to own up to their mistakes and admit they are hurting, or confused and need help. Because being angry all the time, or sad or just feeling like something is missing is not okay. I used to feel like something was missing all the time. You do not have to live like that. He loves you unconditionally. He loves me unconditionally, no matter what I do. There is absolutely nothing we could do to make him love us less or love us more. He loves us all equally, believer or non-believer.

This does not make this journey easy, though. I used to think that my life would get easier as long as I followed God. In some ways it does, because I now surround myself with people who lift me up and encourage me to handle things in a better way than I would before. When things are tough they tell me to go to God and seek God.

I have experienced a few people telling me Christians are stuck up and entitled. This is pretty hurtful because I think there are good and bad people in every group of people. Every religion, every clique, every single group there are good and bad people. I have met some pretty radical Christians, but I can't say they love God wrong. They love God and that's all that matters. If you are mistreated by a Christian, or have been mistreated, I wholeheartedly apologize to you. It's hard to believe that is anyone's intention but let me remind you that we are not perfect.

If you did not know, Jesus went after the people that needed him the most. The prostitutes, the thieves and probably the crack-heads of today's time if you need a better picture. He never talked down to them. He never treated them poorly. He talked to them. He got to know them. He loved them.

What really hurts is that people, usually nonbelievers and honestly some believers, think you are doing it wrong. It's almost funny how some people think there are wrong ways to connect with God. I have had people ask me if I was okay just because I didn’t do as many church related activities throughout the week as they did. This is absolutely ridiculous. There are no rules.

You post pictures that speak to you, you raise your hands in worship, you read the bible on a bad day..you connect with God however you connect with God. There are no rules.

Another misconception: If you don't connect in the same ways, you must not truly be a Christian. If you don't act holier than thou 24/7, you must not truly believe in God.

I have my days when I'm am so mean. I fire back sometimes. I have a big mouth because I was raised to tell the truth. The older I get, the more I realize that not everyone is going to like me. Not everyone will agree with me and sometimes the majority won't. My occasional bad attitude and sometimes nasty outbursts do not mean I do not have a fire for Christ in my heart. If you think the things I do in my spare time do not meet your standards for a relationship with God, that's okay. We don't have to agree.

You can think you know someone inside and out, but you don't know what God knows. You don't know why people are the way they are. We forget this sometimes. I forget this on a daily basis. It's hard not to judge and not to be mean sometimes. If you have a good heart, I assume you know that we are all human and we all make mistakes. We don't know how to handle things appropriately all the time.

As long as we are growing and learning, that is all that matters.

"Jesus was more brokenhearted, scarred and betrayed than anyone in history. Yet, He did not shut Himself off from us; Instead, He calls us unto Him. If you cannot trust anyone, right now, please trust Him. His scars are proof that you are loved more than you know. He will guide you through this pain, He will sit with you when you are weak, and He will carry you until you can walk again. Christ wants to see you run again, He wants to see you live in His glory. You just have to take His hand and walk; it will take all of you, but you will get all of Him. He is worth it."

- T.B. LaBerg