I know that once I get there and that relationship is built again, I know they will give me their unbiased truth bombs that I'm just not ready for.
I have a long history with therapy which means that, with the right therapist, I know it can definitely be beneficial for a lot of people. When I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety, weekly therapy sessions were a part of my treatment plan along with medication. And honestly, it was one of the greatest things I have ever experienced.
The relationship that you build with your therapist is like no other.
When they say they can come to know you better than you know yourself, they aren't just being dramatic. There would be days when my therapist would come to get me from the waiting room, and she would be able to tell just from the look on my face that something wasn't right.
Therapy also isn't always what it seems like in the movies. You don't always lie down on a couch while they just ask, "How does that make you feel?" over and over. A lot of the times I would go in and just talk about my week, and what all happened, and how things were bugging me, they would be able to help me process a lot of those feelings and then give me guidance on how to deal with those similar situations on my own or while in the moment. It felt so good to be able to talk to a third party about what was going on and they give me their honest and unbiased guidance. I learned so many things from even those first few sessions of therapy that still follow me today.
But I haven't been to another good therapy session in about two years.
When I moved to college, I obviously quit seeing my regular therapist because I would be moving eight hours away from home. She was so excited and so proud of me for not only everything in the future but also for how far I had come from the first session that I had with her. It's hard to build a relationship like that with just every therapist's office that you walk in to.
Over the last two years, I have used every bit of knowledge and guidance that I gained from her, but I obviously don't know everything.
I still have so many questions and situations where I know I need to go back to therapy and seek guidance and help with dealing with them, but I know I am not ready for their answers.
I know that once I get there and that relationship is built again, I know that they will give me their unbiased help and guidance and I don't know if I am ready to have to continue that step of doing the work of improving self.
I do a lot of self-improving techniques already, like future-self journaling, meditation, reflective journaling, and so much more about myself that I am constantly working on. I don't know every technique or coping mechanism there is, so going and gaining more knowledge from a professional would help with continuing to live with my mental illnesses.
Therapy isn't only just going to an office and sitting down with someone and talking. They give you so much guidance and help that you continue on your own outside of their office and in your life. It's a daily process that doesn't just stop with those weekly sessions. I know that once I get there and get the answers to my questions, it will continue to be a process that I just don't know if I can keep up.
A good therapist knows you inside and out, and a lot of the times much better than you know yourself. When they give you that feedback and guidance it is specifically and only directed for you, so even if you don't want to hear it, it is exactly what you need to hear and absorb.
I know that if I make that step to seek a therapist for their guidance, they will tell me exactly what I don't want to hear and I'm just not ready for that wake-up call and that unbiased truth bomb.