It’s that time of year where the annual epidemic of finals spreads across college campuses, causing a massive increase of all-nighters and life questioning. The time where coffee and energy drinks are the only antidote, along with cuddling in bed to binge-watch Netflix, to the disease starting with the letter F that occurs typically twice or three times a year.
Although this disease is very common among students in their teenage and adolescent years (as well as very obvious to point out) here are very few of the common symptoms for those who are unsure:
1. You have high percentage of BCC: Blood Caffeine Concentration.
Similar to that of a common cold, if you start shaking uncontrollably after drinking 7 Starbucks Doubleshot Espresso drinks, there is a high chance that your Blood Caffeine Concentration is over the legal limit of being sane.
2. You don’t remember what it’s like to have a proper sleeping schedule.Sleeping has just become an option at this
point. You need at least 32 hours a day to learn a semester’s worth of material
for eight days, so why waste your time sleeping when you can use that time to be
proactive and eventually give up on everything?
3. You begin to question why a certain teacher exists.
Most likely because this teacher cannot teach
for his or her life. You begin to question how they got their teaching
credentials, what kind of college would let them get a teaching credential, and
with much more thinking, begin to wonder about their personal life. This symptom is at its most extreme stage when you
have found their personal Facebook account and made 14 RateMyProfessor ratings.
For example, complicated formulas such as PV = nRT can be really hard to memorize, so instead, why not think of it as putting potatoes (P) into a frying pan (V=) and waiting for it to fry: not (n) ready, ready (R), and too (T) late. With these steps you’re now ready to ace that Physics final!
(Or I mean Every Apple Brings Many Such Buttholes works too - it worked for Lily ^)
5. Randomly breaking down and bumping your head against your books.
Often confused with the signs of a nervous breakdown,
these symptoms occur for many students just with the thought of the words “final”
and “exams.” If said aloud, these words can make a student triggered, resulting
in feeling shook.
With that being said, I hope you this has brought you more awareness and information about this sickness and its symptoms. We students in every educational establishment wish you good luck, and also warn you to brace yourself, because finals season is coming.
