There are a few articles I’ve been trying to write over my time as an Odyssey contributor. Some are about topics that would make my readers uncomfortable if I don’t phrase every single sentence carefully. Other articles are sensitive and deserve to be written and shared at specific times, this is one of them.
I’ve realized something so incredibly important to my being over the past few months and it’s sort of the reason why I haven’t published anything recently. You know when things hit the ceiling, there's always that one person you can call, that one person who’ll tell you the truth about any situation no matter what? I realized that I’m that person for my family. I’m the family rock.
You have to understand, my family is pretty close knit; the majority of who I call my family are immigrants. I was raised to maintain that close knit relationship, being told countless of times, “You have to love and cherish your family because they’re the only ones here with you.” It’s a bit morbid, thanks dad, but it shaped me to be the family person I am today. And to move thousands of miles away from something familiar and comfortable to the complete unknown all alone is a frightening thought. It’s obvious why family is usually so important to immigrant families.
I've realized that I have amazing powers within my family. I can soothe situations. I provide a form of connection between my family members. I also have this weird power where I effect everyone. It’s this weird domino effect that occurs when something bad specifically happens to me. For example, my family finding out about my depression shook everyone’s world up, I worried everyone with a snap of a finger. Although it's been a few months, a week or two without sending a text message to my aunts will result in, “Cate! I’ve been so worried about you! Why haven’t you called?!” Because, literally nothing exciting is going on… Or more simply, on the drive back up to Oregon after winter break, countless of texts from everyone, worrying about how rainy it would be on I-5.
It’s a stressful job, I feel like every problem that happens in my family can and should be fixed by me. When two of my family members are arguing, I hear both sides. Being the middle person, you hear how simple it can be to solve a problem yet for some reason there's always this small but mighty obstacle in both their ways. Being the family rock was never something I wanted, but it’s not a responsibility that I would want to give to any of my siblings. It’s hard. You have to be fearless yet gentle. You have to have a heart but you can't be too soft. It involves a massive amount of communication with everyone. It involves a great amount of mental strength.
