It's here! It's here, and it's come for all of us! All of us, I tell you!
Halloween has passed, and that means it is November, and for those of you who don't know, November brings the holiday of Christmas, and all of the other holidays that I, unfortunately, do not have enough knowledge on to discuss. "What about Thanksgiving?" the normal person would ask. There is no Thanksgiving, there never has been. There is only Christmas. Don't buy a turkey, buy a Christmas ham. Don't rake leaves, build snowmen. If Halloween is over, that means the stores are already in full Christmas mode. All of the garden centers are now lined with Christmas trees! We can't escape it, we can only prepare for the worst.
Quick Guide To Shopping:
If you like Christmas, I too can appreciate the sense of wintertime stress, empty wallets, sobbing children, and colds. Now, don't let me hate on your holiday, I love Santa as much as the next guy, I mean, he makes it so I don't have to buy all of my daughter's presents. He's pretty cool, but he can't save face for the whole holiday. We only have a month or so until it's here. We don't have time to wait. If you haven't bought your gifts, it is too late for you; all of the good toys are already gone. But, if you haven't gone shopping yet, now is the time to do it. Every day you wait, it is one less hot-ticket toy for your son or daughter. Buy the wreaths now, the stockings, the trees, all of them, too, because your little girl's "Paw Patrol" stocking will be gone by November 15th. You can't win, you can't even tie with this holiday.
Pro Tip: Don't Decorate Just Yet...
I mean, you can, but you shouldn't. If you are one of those people who have the giant blow-up Santa and "Frosty" decorations that sit in your front yard, be respectful of November, let's wait until the day after that Thursday holiday that doesn't matter. Leave the trees in the ground until then, too. Your neighbors will have no problem judging you for premature decorating. If you just can't wait to make the place feel more like Christmas, just hang up the mistletoe and that should hold you for a couple of weeks. If even that won't suffice, might I suggest seeking professional help?
Easiest Way To Survive Until Late November:
Just ignore it. It is still early enough to where we can turn the other way and just keep walking. The stores will keep the majority of their holiday stock off the main section for now. The normal people will keep their decorations in storage. So, until next time, perhaps just focus on eating some turkey and watching football? If all else fails, you can find an underground shelter. It doesn't snow below ground level.
