We constantly hear the words 'toxic masculinity' describing out-of-control males behaving violently towards women and society at large.
In my opinion, the words 'toxic masculinity' only perpetuate such negative behavior in men.
Most of our functioning psychology deals with making meanings and associations, and by placing the word 'toxic' next to 'masculinity', we associate 'masculinity' with being 'toxic' without even being aware of such an association.
This negative association in men leads to men viewing themselves and their innate inner mechanisms, such as dominance and sexuality, as being 'bad'. By associating 'masculinity' with being 'toxic', men learn and condition themselves that they are naturally evil, that they are insignificant, unnecessary, and unneeded.
Does this sound like a good way of dealing with one's emotions, fears, destructive behavior patterns, childhood trauma, and societal rejection?
The answer is no. We, as a society, invented the term 'toxic masculinity', and are further hurting the plight of man in an already uncertain, confusing world.
The phrase 'toxic masculinity' singles out the male gender as 'evil'.
But have you ever heard of 'toxic femininity'?
If toxic masculinity exists, what does toxic femininity look like?
Does it look like girls showing ample skin as they stroll through campus?
Does it look like girls emotionally manipulating men to get what they want?
Does it look like a woman who denies that her body is a biological miracle that can create another life inside of it and then release it into the world?
My intention with this post is not to pass the ball of shame from men to women.
My intention is to bring to light the truth of the matter, and in this matter, the phrase 'toxic masculinity' only perpetuates the dark side of men.
Instead of calling it 'toxic masculinity', it is in my humble opinion that we alter the words a bit in order to be more accurate with our description of so-called 'toxic masculinity', and remove the negative association we build for 'masculinity' by placing the word 'toxic' next to it.
Let's call it: 'immature masculinity'. This is a term used by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette who were inspired by the works of Carl Jung on the masculine psyche.
Here is a brief summary of immature masculinity:
Boys eventually grow up into Men. Unfortunately, in our modern society, we lack positive male role models who help boys turn into men. As a result, we have men running around who are actually still boys. They are still boys in the way they deal with the world and in the ways they respond to it.
For example, if a boy does not get what he wants, he will yell and shout and make a commotion. A man, on the other hand, will understand that we do not always get what we want, and will not take the situation personally. In fact, the man may learn from the situation and feel fulfilled by not getting what he wanted. This is an example of mature masculinity because mature masculinity is expressed in a healthy, generative, loving way.
Or you may just call it 'being a reasonable human being'.
But we don't have a class in school to teach us how to be a reasonable human being.
So until then, I call upon you, my fellow humans, to support one another and act compassionately towards each other so that we can unite as a species - both man, woman, and everything else in between.