How does she do it?
We've all asked that question in our minds. Scrolling through social media, we see countless images of all the things other moms and other women are doing.
How does she make Halloween costumes like that for her kids? (That one is fresh for me because I can't sew, so I bought a princess Elsa dress for my 10-month-old at Target. Halloween 2016: check!)
How does she cook meals like that every night?
How does she work outside the home and still have a clean house and time to do creative things with her children?
How does she do such a good job making time for her friends? How does she have so many friends?
How does she throw such great parties?
How does she make time for date nights with her husband?
How does she afford such nice things?
How does she make time to make amazing Pinterest-worthy crafts?
How is she in such good shape? When the heck does she have time to work out?
And on and on and on we go. The thing is, each of us know that we ourselves aren't doing it all. We are doing some things, but not all things. I work part time, but I only have one baby right now and I have tons of help with childcare from family. I also don't cook as much as I "should," I am not great at making time for exercise, and I can't remember the last time I deep cleaned my house.
We are quick to admit our own shortcomings and the places we feel like we are failing, but we are even quicker to assume that everyone else has no shortcomings. That maybe they ARE the one person who can do it all, and do it all well. As much as I love Instagram and Facebook, I have to remember that those things give us purposefully edited images of whatever we want each other to see. Our home, our family, our meals, our adventures, and even sometimes our less glamorous moments just so people know we are "real." Because I think somewhere inside of us, we post those occasional "I am a hot mess" pictures in hopes that someone will comment, "GIRL. Been there," or "My Monday was awful too!" We so badly want to know that we aren't the only one struggling to balance everything.
So maybe the next time we see "her," whoever she is, we can start coming to more gracious, realistic conclusions and stop resenting the fact that our life doesn't look like that. Maybe we can admit that all of us have different capacities and, yes, some women really do have a God-given ability to juggle more things well. I always marvel at those women. But I know its a real thing because I've known some women who have an incredible capacity to have their hands in many things at once. My capacity is different. Larger than some, perhaps, but smaller than many others. And that is okay.
It's not that we should or shouldn't be doing more or less. But it sure doesn't take much for us to downward spiral quickly into the comparison trap.
We see a picture of our friends having a lazy day at home. I should rest more. I wish I could rest more. Gosh I hate that I have chores to do. Why do I keep making myself so busy? We see a picture of a family at a zoo. We should go to the zoo. Or do something, anything besides watch Netflix. Why am I such a lazy butt? I should get off the couch. We see a picture of a friend out to eat at a girls night. I should have a girls night. Why haven't my friends invited me to a girls night? I don't have money for girls night, I'm trying to be good with my budget. We see a picture of a family eating a home cooked meal. I should cook more often. We eat out too much. That mom is so good at meal planning. I should meal plan. But I'm too tired to cook.
Sometimes when I, out of the blue, suggest a random family activity to my husband like "Hey we should go to the pumpkin patch," he asks, "Who just posted a picture of themselves at the pumpkin patch?" He knows me too well.
We're all making sacrifices and, when necessary, shortcuts. We are all doing some things but none of us are doing everything. Let's applaud and celebrate each other when we see another woman thriving in whatever "yeses" she has said in her current season. I love social media as much as the next girl, but the best understanding I gain of someone else's life and that someone gains of mine is face to face. In my home. Over coffee. At my Bible study study.
We can just breathe a big sigh of relief the next time a wave of "How does she..." hits us and remember, not one of us is doing it all. We can't, and we don't have to.
