The second I turned in my final paper of the semester and walked out of my professor’s office, a wave of mixed emotions hit me. It’s summer, how could I be feeling anything but relieved? In high school, hearing the bell ring one last time signaled the start of lazy days, road trips, hanging out with friends and vacations. How come now as a college student, the idea of summer does not appeal to me anymore? Why am I counting the days until fall move-in day? Why is it that ultimately, I’m unhappy that it is summer?

Don’t get me wrong. I am excited for the concerts, music festivals, trips to swimming holes, hammocking, food truck rallies and kayaking. Of course I am thrilled to be moving into my fraternity house for the summer and to help with recruitment. I am even looking forward to taking summer classes. So why is it that the idea of summer is causing me more grief than relief? Here is why.

Summer as a college student is empty. Back in high school, everyone in your school is from the same town (seeing as you went to a public school) and summer was nothing but being freed from the burden of classwork. But as a college student, that does not hold true. People at universities come from all over. The guy/girl you got really close with over the past year could be from halfway across the country. So going from seeing them every day to scheduled FaceTime calls and snapchats is quite upsetting. If you are one of the ones staying on campus for the summer, campus is a completely different environment. It will be swarmed with conferences and prospective new students with only a few familiar faces to keep you company. It’s a whole new world.

It’s also upsetting to see your friends graduate. Of course, seeing a friend get their diploma that marks the beginning of their adult lives is incredible, actually far from upsetting. However, seeing some of your best friends moving on to get jobs, sometimes in other cities is quite depressing. They are no longer going to be a few flights of stairs away. When you need dinner plans, it is not going to be a simple as making a quick trip to Taco Bell with them. Summer may mean the end of classes for some, but it means the start of a career for these graduates.

Those campus events that are scheduled throughout the week, forget about them. They simply do not exist during the summer. You are not going to be able to lay on your bed and check the student event schedule when you are bored. Events like on-campus movies or programs hosted by your RAs are not available anymore. You must actively search for plans yourself. I know, that is frightening.

Really though, one of the most cringe-worthy aspects of summer is having nothing to wake up for. I know we all complain about a lack of sleep during the school year, but going from a daily routine starting at 9:00 am to being able to sleep until 2:00 pm without missing anything, is really sad. It almost feels like a waste of time. I would much rather have to complain about waking up than have nothing to wake up for.

Summer has lost its excitement for me. I have more fun during the school year when I am surrounded by my friends, when there are campus events every day, when there are sports games to attend, when I never have to eat dinner alone, when I know what my day will consist of a week in advance, when I do not have to exhaust my Netflix account and when life just seems to matter more. Summer is not a bad thing, it never has been. It just used to be something that I looked forward to, now it just seems to be missing something. Maybe it is just me, maybe it is part of growing up or maybe I have just found a place and people I love so much, I can’t bear to part with it, even for just 3 months. Leaves change in the fall; the temperature changes in the winter; time changes in the spring but everything changes in the summer.