I've often heard suicide is often a choice. And to a certain degree, yes. I do believe suicide is a choice. A person choose how to end their life. But to me, that's really the only thing they chose. Of course, suicide doesn't come and tap their next victim on the shoulder and say, "hey there, you're next". Suicide doesn't choose the person either.

We all live in hopes that things will get better. And for many they do. But there's some that lose hope. All of it. Simply because there's no one to reassure them when they're on the ground. No one to say, "I know you're trying." The question is always, "why aren't you trying harder?" And, I don't get it. How much are you going to beat someone down? How worthless are you going to make them feel? And for what? People try so hard, and then have to hear that their effort is worth nothing. People don't willingly walk into darkness, initially at least. They get pushed into it, after hearing nothing but negativity. And then when they're finally numb. When they finally can't feel any pain anymore, they become a part of that darkness. And that's when they're gone forever. Even if they do come back, they won't be the same. Their pieces may be put back where they were, but they'll never fit like they used to. All because someone had to make them feel worthless.

So why do people do it? Why do people commit suicide? I've found that most people think it's because suicidal people are weak. And I guess I can see why people say that - those that commit suicide are running away from their reality. But in my opinion, those that commit suicide are quite strong. And before you accuse me of romanticizing suicide, let me say that I'm not.

I've been there. I know it's a dark place. In all honesty, dark doesn't even begin to explain it.

The reason I say that suicidal people are strong is because they literally walk around begging for death on the inside, but are still the same people that will lend you their shoulder to cry on. They're the same people that make the conscious decision to leave everyone they love. Has anyone considered how difficult that must be to do? To cover up all those scars, both visible and invisible, and walk around acting like they don't exist. To know you want to die, and live with that fact. Suicidal people aren't weak. It's the thinking of others don't understand. THAT is weak.

The problem is that people start out happy. Their faces light up for no reason, they glow when they talk about something they love. They get recognized less by their name, and more by the light they bring to any room, any group of people. But for some of those happy people, there comes a day when all that stops. The confident smiles are gone. The refreshing laughter has left. There's only silence. A numbness. The person you thought you knew so closely, are suddenly dead. And so many around these people wonder why. Yet no one holds out a hand to ask, or lends an ear to listen. They just watch them slowly wither away. They watch them slowly, but surely die. And then comes the day, where they're gone for good. That's when people finally ask what was wrong. But all that's left then is most likely a tear stained note, enclosing all the feelings those suicidal people wished others would have seen. They're gone. And the only happy images left of them are the ones are the ones in their memories.

So really ask yourself. Are people pulling that trigger themselves? Are they tying that rope around their neck themselves? Are they swallowing that entire bottle of pills themselves? Physically, yeah...sure. But otherwise, I don't think the victim is the culprit. Those that don't want to understand are the culprit. Those that have nothing but negative words for the victims.

Now take a minute to ask yourself. Have you pulled the trigger on someone, whether it be knowingly or unknowingly? And if so, what did you gain?

As a closing note, my sincerest condolences to anyone that has lost a loved one to suicide. And my prayers to anyone dealing with suicidal thoughts past, present, and future.

Some people may not agree with what I've said here, but I hope that we can all agree on one thing. That suicide hurts. Before it happens and after it's over. If nothing else, please try to prevent it.