There comes a point, or several, in life when you might doubt the need to live. We've all been there, done that. Life throws, and everyone you know is throwing tomatoes at you when you're trying to perform your best on a very large, empty stage. You're stuck, helpless. There's no one on stage with you–or so it seems. The blinding white light obscures your vision. Your palms become clammy and your heart beats faster by the second. You want to run away from everyone, but you can't. You're frozen, taking it all in. You want to cry, but you can't. You've lost all feeling in your body, you're numb. You want to scream, but you can't. You know that no one will hear, and if they can, they won't care about what you have to say. You feel like you're in this situation constantly with no way out. What did you do to deserve this? Why won't anyone help you? Can't anyone listen? It would be better if you didn't have to deal with this suffering. So, you cut yourself off from your friends and family. Only you can solve this problem. You've lost the will to live.
If you've ever felt like this, it's OK. It's OK to feel sad, depressed, lonely and helpless all at once. Everyone has at some point. It's a difficult situation to go through. Your peers might not understand or pick up on your silent cry for help when they're wrapped up in their own lives. Your own repetitive thoughts nag you to the brink. Your distrust of people is crippling, not only to you but to those around you, too. It kills your friends and family when you're faced with this reality. But go ahead, feel sad. You wouldn't know how those people will react once you left their lives for good. They want you to stay alive and happy, despite what you may think. It's perfectly normal to feel emotionally unstable at times–it is. But who are you counting on for validation when you are? Your friends? Your family? Yourself? Don't you know that you can be your biggest enemy in life?
The perception of yourself is skewed when the only advice you listen to is that of your own mind.
Happiness won't choose you. It won't come knocking at your door, and even if it does, you probably wouldn't answer it anyway. No, you have to choose to feel happy. Don't think there's anything to feel happy about? Take a look at the food you're eating or the roof over your head. What about your education, your favorite books and movies? And most importantly, think about your friends and family. You believe you're a burden to them? Well, you're wrong. Because if you actually were, they would've left you a long time ago, and that's the truth.
So the next time you feel sad, embrace it, but take a second to think about your feelings in terms of the bigger picture. Life is precious–you only get one. Don't regret a mistake you might never get the chance to rectify.
If you are feeling depressed and are contemplating suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-(800)-273-8255.
