I'm not here to tell you that suicide is a long-term solution to a temporary problem. I'm here to tell you the secret to peace.
So, you've been in and out of hospitals. You've been in counseling for years and it isn't working. You've tried taking medicine. You've spent years trying to fill your void with human relationships that, time and time again, have left you feeling abandoned, unwanted, and rejected. Every coping mechanism that was taught to you has lost its touch (if it ever did anything for you anyway). You feel like you're going through the motions and that if you don't kill yourself, the suffering will never end.
The very first thing I want to tell you, dear friend, is that depression, anxiety, or whatever mental illness you may be struggling with, is not yours. That's right, it doesn't belong to you. You are not its slave. Listen. I am telling you the truth.
I lived in the shadow of mental illness for most of my life before I was freed from it. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, and major depression. I had been on more medications than I can remember. I had been hospitalized four times in a span of four years. I was in counseling for five years. Everywhere I turned, all I saw was rejection, darkness, and hopelessness. I wanted out, just like you.
I know you're not going to believe me at first. I didn't believe it either. But please listen to me. There is a hope for you. There is a love for you that nobody can take away. Before I get into it, I want you to understand the difference between joy and happiness.
Joy is an eternal and internal state of being, one that is not determined by circumstances. You can be the poorest person ever, not in a good spot situationally, and still have joy. Joy is the ability to go to bed at night without hating yourself. It's the ability to make mistakes without dwelling on them. It's the ability to forgive others and to not become easily offended. It's the state of being that nobody can take from you.
Happiness is temporary. Happiness is the small things. Seeing a good movie makes you happy. Drawing a picture makes you happy. But seeing a movie or drawing a picture can't last forever. They can't take away your pain and your shame. They might make you forget for a little bit, but these type of things don't make you want to get out of bed every day. They can't be trusted to fulfill your will to live. Heck, one time I stayed up all night learning how to make the Chewbacca noise. Once I figured it out, I decided I didn't want to die. In that moment, I didn't want to die. But I couldn't base my will to live on something so trivial. The next morning, I faced the same pain that I was used to. Sorry, Chewbacca, but you're not my savior.
Before you read on, answer this question: Do you desire joy? If your answer is yes, that's great. Keep reading.
What if I told you that you can have joy? What if I told you that you don't have to kill yourself? What if I told you that you are loved and that you are precious? All of these are true. You can have joy.
Dear friend, do you know who Jesus is? Do you know that He loves you? Do you dare to believe Him? Do you dare to trust Him? Do you know that Jesus is a healer?
When you're diagnosed with mental illness, it feels like a trap. They treat it as though you'll never recover and that it will be a lifelong battle. The problem with that is that it's simply not true. Before I was healed of mental illness, I believed that it would never end and that I was in some sort of permanent state of being. That's trash. It's a lie from the enemy.
A lot of people will say that healing in the name of Jesus is bogus and isn't real, but listen, the power of Jesus is biblical and true. Mark 16:17-18 (NKJV) says, " And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.”
See, it's actually not unbiblical nor crazy to believe in miraculous healings. Our God is a loving God. A lot of us get sidetracked on the idea that He doesn't care about our lives on Earth but that joy only exists in Heaven. In reality, He's not just some guy in the sky who only wants anything to do with us after we die in this life here on Earth, but He wants a relationship with us now; He wants us to have life abundantly now.
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
God places the lonely in families;
he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.
But he makes the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. Psalm 68:5-6 (NLT)
You don't have to feel unloved, unworthy, or helpless. The answer to your problems isn't through coping mechanisms. It's not about trying to find the greatest psychiatrist on the planet. It's not about relying on other people for help because there is someone whose love is way higher and wider for you than you will be able to find in another man on the planet. There's no coping mechanism that has the strength to give you the joy that exists in Christ. Your worth is not in your career, your family, nor yourself. Stop trying to heal yourself and let Him heal you. Don't kill yourself. If you're reluctant to give your life to Christ, my question is: Why? You were going to end it anyway.
Stop believing the lie that Jesus can't heal you.
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